What do I want to achieve in this life?

This question rang in my head as I walked home from Bukit Panjang Plaza.

I felt like I've wasted so much of my time, 24 years, doing nothing significant and ending up running in circles.

Have I been aimlessly living my life, even though I've visions and dreams? What's the use of having visions and dreams when there seems to be no work done towards it.

With every step that I take, a question fired out of no where, searching deeper into my heart.

Pretty soon, the topic of Church and God came into my mind.

What have I gained from going to Church and God?

I was speechless for the moment as I searched my mind for standard answers. They were not from my heart and it's simply quotes that are so frequently quoted in Church.

Is this really the life that I'm living? Am I going to be just another passerby on Earth? Without any significant contribution for the kingdom of God?

A desperate cry for God, at a desperate moment.

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray , and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Then I shared with God about what happened earlier and He said.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Then I complained and quoted this verse

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

And I got smacked by God.

Nah. Not really.

Somehow, I was reminded of this verse about Jesus weeping. Which reminded me that God is a God of emotions too, that He understands how we feel during times of difficulties.

He's not just a ruler that sits on a throne, nonchalant and harden. But He's a God who has came to Earth, died for our sins and rose again in victory. Nothing is too difficult for our God and no matter what we are going through, He is able to help us with the difficulties.

By human effort, you can achieve an considerable achievement. But together with God, amazing things can happen. I wouldn't want to achieve based on my own physical human strength. But I want to yield to Him and let Him take over.

Contradictions between the Spirit and Flesh is always on-going.

Must overcome the temptations.