is it just me alone or everyone's feeling it too?

things don't seem to be going smooth and more and more things are happening around me. indirectly, i feel a little affected and insecure. its almost like a cloud of doubts in my mind and before i do anything, i've to clear them.

how am i going to show a confident look when i'm insecure myself? when i show that i'm insecure, more people around me get insecure. all it takes is just one fall and you pull back at every slight miscomfort. getting over confident is something i've to take precaution, all it takes is just one crack.

when things go down, our defenses go down too, thus allowing the devil to attack our mind, injecting negative thoughts and draining us of our energy. faith leaks and if not properly managed, we may even breakdown. if we do not rush to our Source, we burn out and eventually hurt ourselves Spiritually.

sometimes we drag things a little too long when we could have rush towards God for strength, shelter and security. sometimes we may even depend on people too much, thus building our altar on them. usually man disappoints, but God doesn't. man can't be always there for us, but only God can always be there for us.

He's our Creator and only He truely knows how to deal and handle us. only He knows our fullest potential and the level we're performing at. we may seek comfort at man because we want to hear things that are pleasing to our ears, but God knows better than men.

guard my heart, guard my mind. emotional affection must be watched over carefully and my actions speak louder then words. through contact, there's bound to be affection. if body language is misinterepted, it would result in complicated things that would tangle everything.

sometimes i just wish that God will appear right before me and i'll be able to get the solutions instantly. but God isn't looking for wimps, but He's looking for people with great character, attitude and the right desires.

i shall not fall under emotional breakdown, but i shall rise up and take on the challenge. i shall not allow my Spirit to break, but i shall allow my Spirit to be moulded. if i do not start now, i might just miss out on my destiny.

i don't know how to start, but i just want to blog my thoughts.

second day of school and its not getting any better, even though howie, yanren and hamzah would be in the same class as i am. class was so boring today, i chatted in MSN and watched howie play spider solitare.

we did some assignment thingy that the lecturer explained. didn't understand a single bit, but when aiysah taught us, everything became so crystal clear~

headed down to the NP-CHC orientation at LT58. it was quite fun and Bro KimHock shared a really inspirational vision to everyone. having a simple vision, lifestyle and to follow the church's vision because thats wise.

was given a caregroup to look after, with various of zones combined together. though the strength today isn't very big, 7 in fact, i still thank God for this chance to lead a group of people. a chance to be moulded.

POS training was quite fruitful too. the new timings for frog leap is rather successful and the other stunts are almost there, just that we still have to work on our basics. we can't allow small cracks to appear on the actual day, because it will eventually lead to a huge crack.

i was bathing, suddenly i just felt that i haven been fruitful in my personal walk with God. God is able to give me loads of things, and usually He dangles them infront of me. but when i allow pride to come in, the things would be taken away from me.

its almost like God's testing me of my faithfulness in Him. if i would give Him all the glory and if i would humble myself. when He takes things away, its almost like He's testing me of my patience. submitting to God everyday, taking away my pride and humbling myself. knowing that without God, i'm nothing and only through Him, i achieve things.

i can be a high flyer, yet get burnt out in the end because i don't have a focus in life. if God is my focus in life, i give Him all the glory and praise. He's the one that gave me the grace to perform and He's the one that gave me the anointing. without God, everything is hard and with God, nothing is impossible=)

doing things for the sake of doing it and doing it for the glory of God makes huge differences. doing things for the sake of it is not my 100% effort, but if i'm doing things for the glory of God, the Spirit of Excellence would manifest.

sometimes we're so busy that Jesus passes us by and the sad thing is that we don't even realize it. we can be so busy with our lives that we overlook things that are of basic foundations. when Jesus passes us by, we miss the chance for the reignition of our Spirit.

ultimately, God is the only one.

guard my heart and my mind. everything i do, i do it for the glory of God; even in parade of schools.

since many POS members read my blog, i guess it would be sensible to post something about the trainings we had and the things that we have to change.

attitude - we all have to set our desires right and not be in the POS for the sake of being there, or for the sake of someone else. in POS, we there for God and the things we're doing are like an offering onto God. we want to give our BEST and not something thats half hearted to Him.

training is all about discipline. without discipline, we wouldn't be able to go far and we wouldn't even be able to learn. when someone points the mistake, denying it would just make things worst. we should all learn from our mistakes. the buck stops here!

our hearts should always be ready to receive. it shouldn't be guarded and the more we guard our hearts, the less we receive.

we may seem to be one of the favorites to win, but other polys and universities are doing great jobs too, though they haven been stuning much during the rehearsals.

imagine when our school possesses unity and the right spirit, victory is definitely ours!!

if we've been doing things for the sake of doing it, minor cracks would appear. minor cracks would lead to huge cracks and eventually, everything would crumble. this entire performance is like giving God an offering. do we want to give God a shabby offering or an offering thats of our best effort?

tried our best and giving our best is totally different. trying is never 100% but giving our best is all of our heart, mind and spirit.

we may not be the best dancers or stunners in town. but giving our best effort during training and hardwork pays off! nobody is born with natural talents to do stunts or even dance; its through training and giving our best effort that moulds us.

training maybe tiring, but lets guard our mind and not allow negative thoughts penetrate our minds. once somebody is sick in a camp, the entire camp would be affected too. lets encourage one another, fellowship with everyone and stand in the gap in times of difficulties.

lets not be big headed at this critical period of time.

sleepy sunday~

reid stayed over at my place to complete the soundtrack for our Parade of Schools competition. as a result, i slept only at 5am~

i was ranger2 at service 4, so it wasn't that bad. but in service 5, i was habour 5, which is behind the curtains. i had a seat there and i fell asleep.

apparently, a LOT of leaders walked past and everyone noticed that i was sleeping. it was that bad until they had to send someone to wake me up. Bro ChongKeng and Bro KokYew came over and asked what happened and thank God they showed mercy. but they decided to make a joke out of it=/

Bro Michael also asked if i'm interested to join the Elites and he said that he will try to schedule me for training next week!! praise the Lord!! ahhazz!! he's quite pleased with the decision he made himself too~ loLz=P

he said that because i'm a manchester united fan, my getting in would be easiler~ loLz=P

struggled to stay awake in service 6 and i was habour 2. seated just 3 rows away from Pastor Kong. it was really terrible because i would suddenly nod away. tried all kinds of method to keep myself awake but failed terribly.

today's message is about getting into the marketplace, getting into the lives of other people, meeting their needs and sharing the gospel with them. about how the nation should be saved and not the people only.

its also about stepping out of our comfort zones and doing things that we are not used to. its about loving people with all our hearts and worshipping God only. its about wanting to know more about other people and helping them with a pure heart.

its about being a true friend to others.

well, rushed home after service and had dinner with my family at toa payoh. we had buffet at suki sakura. loads of sashimi and stuffs, but they are usually gone within minutes. had 3 cups of ice cream! heh=/ but its still way far of my ponderosa record of 17 cups~ =P

as of december 2005, english services of City Harvest Church would be held at the Singapore Expo! well, like what Pastor Kong described, we're going from the wild wild west to the far east. we would be 1 stop away from changi airport!! can you imagine fellowship at changi airport? loLz=P

but praise God!! that would mean that we would only have 2 english services, each services taking about 7000 people.

i realized that my blog has been rather boring. i've been blogging about whats happening, more then what my thoughts are. i guess its time to change the format again and time to write food for thoughts topics=)

what is Faith!? Faith is Forsaking All I Trust Him. not only that, Faith is For All (situations) I Trust Him! Faith is also Forever Always I Trust Him!

Faith is a super broad topic to share about. notice that the three phrase i share, they all have 1 thing in common.

TRUST.

whats trust? its like giving your heart to Jesus, and allowing Him to take control. not knowing what the situation lies ahead, you trust in Jesus and obey Him.

sometimes we think that we've everything under control, but once something goes wrong, we stumble and blame God. should that even happen if we allowed God to take charge? if our anchor is deep in the word of God, the crashing waves wouldn't even be able to move us.

how are you going to trust something that we can't even see? by the word of God! by His promises to us!

the bible is full of hope and promise. it says that God loves everyone and yearns to see all in the kingdom of God.

the bible is full of visions. for those that are weary and tired, it says that the young shall run and never get tired, they shall soar on eagle's wings and never grow weary!

with FAITH, whatever we see in our Spirit can be possible in the natural realm. whatever is of God, and of pure desires, will He not give?

faith move mountains. most of all, faith pleases God!!

i maybe on the "waiting" list, but i'll STILL praise God because of the future He painted for me. i'll still renew my heart and my mind so that He's my ONE and ONLY. Jesus is my FIRST love.

Parade of Schools, Second Viewing.

it has been a really tiring day, endless of stunts, countings and movements. but it has also been the most fruitful day for all the stunners. its the first time we did the stunts with the music and we managed to capture the timings on time.

jincai and i are successful in tossing samantha over for the frog leap!!! -hops- we were so excited that we went about slapping high fives cheering like mad~ it was like an great stepping stone of faith because an accident happened yesterday that really discouraged me.

we kept our focus and thank God, everything went smoothly=)

though there were accidents, the morale of everyone was high! no one gave up halfway, everyone fought till the very end! brave flyers including samantha, joy, karen and shuling who trusted their lives into their base's hands and having loads of courage and confidence even after a bad fall.

the true heros=)

most of us had dinner afterwards at KFC and i listened to chewlin's testimony. i was totally shocked by her testimony as i never expected them to happen on her. its really by the grace of God that she's alive and on fire for Christ!

they were all playing some stupid lame games in KFC, those that required you to figure out some pattern or God-knows-what they're using method to get the solution. apparently, everyone knows the solution except me!!!

shuling kept asking me about the Green Glass Door and joy kept asking me about the tea or coffee question=/ i didn't manage to figure out the solution until i bugged joy for it and she told me.

karen told me about the Green Glass Door solution in msn. its WAY dumb man.. made me waste braincells thinking of patterns, usage and even colours.

gym at 9am and i'm still awake!!! i've less then 3 hours of sleep!!

sleep at 3! 1 2 3 SLEEP!

first time i didn't attend church services on sunday, but it was a valid reason not to attend services.

bro alvin got me, kim, sam and himself for a training session conducted by Magnum Force, organised by our church. it was a great learning session and most of our basics were ironed out and we did new basic stunts that may be implemented into the stunts.

not forgetting the experience gained, learning directly from the pros, and having them point out our mistakes and remembering not to commit them again.

every single move has to be sharp, fast and purposeful. everything has to be tight and packed and you must know what to do next. the techniques are generally easy and we learnt cool methods to perform shoulder stand, which is actually quite easy to execute! hAHaz=P

the training session conducted by Magnum was really fun too. they made all the activities fun and easy to understand with loads of positive and negative examples. they really do engage the crowd with their facial expression and they're not just performing for the sake of performing, but because of the excitment and support by the fans.

i'm not trying to boast or something, but i thank God that NP Elites have the best level of fitness and techniques than the other schools or clusters. during the warmups for the training, we breezed through all the stretches and we learnt new stuffs quickly.

thank God for chewlin, albert and even jennifer who drilled us last year and this year.

guard my heart, guard my mind. i can't afford to allow negative thoughts to manifest in my mind and build a stronghold for the devil to use. i must train and discipline myself, else i'll just fall under the tricks of the devil.

spiritual war happens in the mind, the reward will come after the trial!! i just got to learn what God wants me to learn and keep walking until the end of the tunnel.

i want to be a son of the church, carrying the Spirit of the church everywhere i go, planting seeds into people's heart and watch them bear fruits. whatever i hands lay on, it belongs to Jesus!

i'm placed here for a reason and i want to fulfill the reason for God. when i die, i'm accountable to the those that have been placed in my life and i do not want to be found guilty of not doing my job.

one of the greatest battle is in the mind, the mind controls what you think and do. the moment its not guarded, the devil is able to use it and place perverted thoughts or negative thoughts in it. thats why the bible says that we have to renew our mind.

doubts is also another killer. the moment there's doubt, God's power is unable to be poured forth to its maximum potential. doubts in the mind can cause many misunderstandings and many times, things do not turn out the way you thought.

service 1 was great=) though i was very tired, i managed to concentrate to the word preached. sat with zhaowei, who joined karen and i, and he presented me the shirt that he bought for me in taiwan. it looks a little like wayne's style of shirt, but its nice=)

seeing how other people's lives getting impacted is amazing. when karen and i were queuing, she shared with me how she received Christ and its really by the grace of God, she's still alive and serving God actively in children church and in her cellgroup.

i really never expected to hear many things out of karen's mouth and she's really one shining star, shining bright for Jesus Christ.

i also believe that the NP Elites are all man and women of God, true disciples of Christ whose hearts are pure and ever ready to serve God.

togther, a vision is set and the battle is on.

i've been shortlisted as an elite member!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! praise the Lord!!!!!!

i'm not an elite member yet as i'm still waiting for approval from my leaders~ bro kokyew broke the news to me when he asked if i've joined the elites team~ hAaz~ i totally didn't know about that until he asked me that question~ =D=D he even asked if i still wanted to join the logistics team=X feel a little bad turning him down but i guess he understands~ =D

its the last day of Pastor Phil's conference and it was another great message~ he continued on the series of leadership and he shared many things about the process to being an leader. looking through at the notes now, he covered MANY topics in 2 hours. its simply amazing and the word is still as fresh as hot bread!

like what bro alvin shared, the Holy Spirit doesn't move without a reason. with this conference concluding at a high, revival waves are crashing upon Singapore! the atmosphere in church is totally different now, feels like we've gone a notch higher and the atmosphere of faith just crashed through the roof.

with an atmosphere like this, nothing is impossible because He's dwelling among us and in His presence, there is POWER!! all authority has been given to us and we HAVE the key to an Open Heaven.

i'm still quite excited about being shortlisted but i do not want to be overly hyped up for it.

pray for me!!

thank YOU JESUS!!

Rev Dr Phil Pringle Conference Day 2

i was assigned to be in the outpost, but thank God for favour as when i heard that ministry is for students, i messaged my leader and asked if its possible someone else replaces me and i go down and receive the anointing. it was approved and i was like a desperate person, sprinting down the steps from level 1 to b4.

Pastor Phil shared about the 4Ds before being a leader and i was really blessed by the message. at least i know that i'm still on track and i'm not "forgotten" in God's kingdom.

had a great conference call with Bro Alvin, Samantha, Reid and myself. we shared about how we felt during the conference and what vision God placed in our hearts. Sam's vision is extremely amazing~

i forgot what i blogged about last night and it was a great entry!! but my laptop crashed because the RAM is spoilt and i've to bring my laptop to school so that repair work can be done. i've no idea how long would they take and if they would format my laptop=/

i guess i've to bring my laptop to school one of these days...

was in school earlier and we had a prayer walk. laid hands on benches, walls and pillars. it was a cool experience and when i was praying for my school blocks, i felt more stirred up in my Spirit. we all gathered and practised stunts, but my group didn't practise because sam couldn't attend the training session.

i became shuling's backspot~

we had a short training, but loads of fun and scare. joy had a really bad fall and from my angle, it looked like she fell straight on her face=/ thank God she's okie and was extremely brave to continue doing stunts afterwards~

karen did shoulder stand on me and i was told to walk around. heh~ she was extremely wobbly and when i let her down, she was so shocked that she sat on the bench and stared away in daze.

extremely tired, but God will charge me up with His Spirit!!

Rev Pastor Phil Pringle Conference Day 1.

my vocab is so bad, i'm unable to give a word that describes the conference that took place earlier; it was fantastic. right from the beginning to the very end, i felt as though Pastor Phil spoke straight to me, again, and like what he said, there's an impartation of faith.

a whole new level of faith and spirituality.

i feel extremely calm inside me right now, everything's cool and alright. i guess that does make me quieter then usual. i don't know, but thats how i feel now. i guess want to keep quiet and observe around a little, focus on God more in my heart and allow His Spirit to lead me.

i don't know if i should say this, but i'll just share~

during altarcall, when Pastor Phil was sharing about what he saw above Sister Sandy's head, he turned around and stared at me for almost 3 seconds. i was looking at him and noticed that he was smiling then almost suddenly, he turned back to Sister Sandy and continued praying for her.

anyway, glory to God!! if there's anything in my life worthy of giving glory, all the glory should go to Him because He's the one that made it all possible=)

and also, i MAYBE getting into the Elites team!! bro michael asked when would i be going into the army and when i said i'm not sure and most probably next year, he seemed quite happy and kept saying good~

seriously, i really hope to be an elite member. even though its a higher commitment and responsibilty, i want to serve God and His ministers directly, getting discipled directly under church leaders.

rub shoulders with God's anointed ones~

promotion comes from God and i don't want to go against His flow~ like what Pastor Phil shared about the 4 faces~ i want to have all the 4 faces and someone who's available to serve God. all i ask for is His wisdom and anointing upon my life.

it may not be my time, yet, but it doesn't mean that it wouldn't come to past! God's word never fails and He wouldn't disappoint!

i think i've been allowing myself to fall into temptations and allowing negative thoughts to manifest in my mind. thus it has been affecting me a lot and especially in my mental area.

like what eugene said, i may look fine on the outside, but i'm affected on the inside~

looks like i've strayed off topic~

its been a great day and i can't wait for tomorrow's and friday's conference~ i REALLY hope that i'm still Bro Kokyew's runner and i also really hope that Bro Michael would ask if i'm interested to join the Elites team=)

hAaz!

HALLELUJAH!!!

gym!

i don't know what got into me today, but i worked to my near limit. could feel my back muscles burning in pain and my arms were aching. but, i think i still can increase my sets and repetitions.

well.. had a breakthrough~ i'm able to do 100lbs on the benchpress machine. i guess its time to slowly increase the weights i'm doing, else i'll be just toning my muscles and making them look big.

jincai's quite a shocker. the weights he lift is either heavier or similar to mine. except that his triceps isn't strong, but his biceps are way stronger than mine. its quite fun working out with him because he can't stop laughing when he can't lift the weights anymore.

we were making a huge din in the gym, talking and disturbing each other. the instructor had to come over several times and teach us the proper use of the machine because we were fooling around, fiddling with the machine~ =X

edwin isn't as stony as before. his lame jokes and antics really cracked us up and sometimes his expression-less face would cause more disruption.

sean's starting to do heavy weights, much to my surprise and sometimes he goes to the extreme of really heavy weights~ heHz~

alvin's the monster~ trying new stuffs and lifting heavy weights too~ but based on his experience in track, his workout today wasn't even tough on him. it can be even considered his warm up~ loLz=P

veron, former dragonboat member, is our coach in freeweights. hAaz=P taught everyone the holding techniques and the different workouts~

as for me, i'm just there to workout=)

ate at KFC afterwards and the brothers decided to go "swimming" heh. they all came over to my place and we "swam" 2 rounds~ heH~ no cash involved but points system~

jincai and i have the EXACT playing style and we're always waiting for each other cards~ every round was extremely exciting and everyone seemed to be waiting for the same type of cards~ lolz=P

our next gym regime would most probably be on wednesday~ hEhz=P hopefully more brothers would come and join us this time~~

was doing my quiet time earlier, and it suddenly became a binding session. heh=)

love praying.

sometimes prayers can be really exciting, but there would be times when its really dry. when that happens, its usually because of a particular problem bugging inside our hearts that isn't submitted to God.

burdens and problems hold us back from seeing God's face and most of the time, God knows the problem, but when He shows it to us, we refuse to admit defeat. thats pride. yet we know that we need God more than we need anything.

so what do we do? we try to beat around the bush, hoping that God will still work after listening. but most of the time, He doesnt! He expects us to be straight forward and to confess that we made a mistake and thus sinned against Him.

only then He would be pleased and just to forgive and forget us of our sins.

you must be wondering why God is so troublesome and if He's really loving, why can't he just forgive everyone? well, the bible says that we are to be to honest and i'm sure that it also includes being honest with God.

we're all called to an intimate relationship with God. an intimate relationship is not treating God as a hourly friend, telling Him your requests and saying an Amen.

we have close friends and most of the time, we spend loads of time sharing and talking to our close friends. we do not talk about general topics with each other, but we talk about personal issues with each other; things that matter to us and each other.

intimacy with God is the same! though the word of God, His heart's desires are found. His word says that He desires for all to fellowship with Him and may all be saved. His powers are also shown in the bible - miracles of healings and deliverance from the enemies.

when God trusts you, God is able to use you and do wonderful miracles!! definitely the glory goes to Him and He's looking for a pure heart who's willing to seek His will.

how can all these happen without an intimate relationship with God?

i want to guard my heart, mind and to have a pure heart that seeks His face only. a heart thats after Jesus and a servant who God uses for His kingdom.

parade of schools training~

its been really challenging from day 1 and after some final reshuffling, my team has changed completely.

samantha's my flyer, jincai and i are bases and either kim or veron would be my backspot.

with sam as our flyer, means that the bases would have to do loads of high risk stunts and flying. i was rather stressed out because we couldn't even get our basics right and we were kinda stressed to be able to "fly" sam earlier.

felt kinda frustrated earlier because somehow, somewhere, there's always something wrong or we just can't manage. thank God for albert, who came down and taught us the right methods.

looking forward to friday=)

wow!!

i had a shock during security earlier when we had our briefing. i was ranger for 2 services and H2A for service 6. i'm usually the H2A and rarely ranger, but the shocking thing was that i was ranger 1 for service 5!!

to add on to the list of shocks, i was informed by bro chongkeng that zhaowei and i would pushing the birthday cake in service 4, to celebrate Pastor Kong's mom's birthday.

there were a number of problems before the actual celebration, but thank God everything went smoothly and everybody's happy! =D=D=D

glory to God!!

its the first time being ranger 1 for me and i was rather lost. but thank God nothing serious happened and once again, Bro Kok Yew taught me so much things regarding being an IC. i was quite stretched as i had 4 guys and i had to maximize my manpower and cover as much ground as possible.

thank God once again, His wisdom filled me and i found favor too=)

i had a scare when the DFO reported that there's 2 illegal parking at B1 and it would hinder movement for Pastor Sun when she arrives in church. thank God Pastor Sun was redirected and the blame wasn't entirely on me. but i still thank God for the invaluable lesson learnt today.

service was fantastic!! Pastor Kong preached about being all for Christ, a disciple, a person who God trusts. when that happens, there would be an open heaven and His powers can be demonstrated through us.

an encounter with God can change my entire destiny. i do not want to screw that up and if God tells me to ask whatever i want, i would ask for His anointing, to preach, to heal the sick and to minister.

glory to Him only!