i guess one of the worst situations of getting the chicken pox is that you feel perfectly fine, but you're still confined at home. this stinks!!

worst is that you've finished watching all the VCDs at home and played every possible playable game in your laptop. you just get so bored that you watch the time tick away, not knowing what to do next.

but there's still so many things i've yet to do. i still gotta catch up with my bible reading, catch up with my school work especially and catch up with some good ol' friend online.

1 more week to go and i should be able to fully recover. praise God!

i can't wait to go back church, to attend overnight prayer meeting, to serve in the elites team, to praise and worship God in the holy of holies.

3 weeks of overnight prayer meetings, pastor kong would be there for the first 2 weeks. who wants to miss it!?!

church wide fast on wednesdays. its not just 12 hours, but its 24 hours!!

so many happenings in church~ woahhhHhhhHhh! how can i miss out on all these!?

stupid poxes that are dry and hard. its very hard to resist peeling them off=/

5th day of chicken pox.

it has been really boring, stuck at home, with nothing much to do. the poxes kinda multiplied themselves but seems like they are under control now~ thank God for medication. i wouldn't want to risk burst more poxes unknowingly, especially on my face~

friends have been messaging me, asking if i'm fine and stuffs. really appreciate their care and concern. classmates like hamzah, yanren and aiysah frequently message me in MSN, during school hours, and chat with me~ loLz=P

but i think one of the stupidest questions to ask a person with chicken pox is - does it itch? heh=P

would definitely say that i'm much more cranky for the past few days. sudden outbursts of anger and getting irratated suddenly. i guess thats common for sick people. so don't expect me to be that angel with wings and halo, treating you like gold.

its not interesting to be down with chicken pox, taking medication every 4 hours, feeling drowsy everytime you take them and being confined to your house. it stinks. as much as i want the poxes to go away, i want to go school and church!

i missed out on my first elite training on sunday and i felt really terrible. i have been looking forward to it eversince bro kokyew revealed that i maybe joinin the elites team. looking at the bright side, there's always next week and i do have a valid reason for not being there. but the feeling wouldn't be quite the same. it wouldn't be as special as last sunday.

stop whining.

i'm a child of God and nothing can stop me from achieving great things for God.

its not official, but i think i've gotten the chicken pox.

zzz

during this period of time, the skies roar with fighter jets thundering above.

since young, i've been very drawn to fighter jets and usually, fighter pilots give people the impression of success. thus i was very interested to be a fighter pilot.

lo and behold, my chance came. my sister got a form for me in the Singapore Youth Flying Club and i signed up immediately. everything went smoothly, my medical checks, interviews and briefings.

soon i was able to fly a plane, not quite a fighter plane, but a single engine two seater plane. i was very keen to start flying, but there was a slight problem. i couldn't commit enough time for YFC. many people told me to focus entirely on YFC, but i thought it would be stupid because i might fail my exams and repeat a semester.

flying is definitely not easy. with loads of things to remember in your mind, you have to recall every single one of them the moment the instructor asks us. the way they teach? just once over and they expect us to grasp everything.

i would say its definitely good as i forced myself to absorb as much as i could and kept very focused. but being a rookie flyer, i had my difficulties trying to vomit out every answer asked and focusing on the flight.

eventually i backed out due to excuses and reasons.

2 years later, as i was bathing, the familar sound filled my place. i looked up into the skies and saw 5 jets thundering across the skies in a formation. i stared at the jets as they turned away.

my heart was filled with envy and i could imagine myself in that cockpit, controling the fighter jet, thundering at the speed of sound. the excitment of controling a fighter jet with my hands and the power that i have within my fingers is simply mind blowing.

i can just imagine the blood rush and the G-Force that would be acting on them. even the view of Singapore from the skies, in a cockpit looks different; everything would be a blur because the speed is too fast.

like eagles, they soar high above the skies.

fighter pilots are usually the elites among all the pilots. they are well known for their leadership skills and they are highly respected by everyone. not only that, they get fat cheques when they go for training overseas and they usually can't finish their daily allowance.

a picture of a pilot in a cockpit gives the impression of success and achiever.

as they disappeared into the clouds, i woke up from my dream.

i maybe filled with envy, but i know that God is able to bring me up above the skies and everything else. He promised in Isaiah 40:31 - But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

my God is an awesome God.

it's just amazing.

God touched me in a refreshing way during worship today and i just felt myself worshipping at a total new level. all the words came from my heart and i felt as though i was having a conversion with Him. He just came and carried me into His arms and i felt as though i stepped into a Spiritual Realm, with Him only.

after worship, i felt fresh, anointed and ready for the word of God. Pastor Kong preached about finances, to prepare us for arise and build. he said something that really triggered my thinking. "if you give to the arise and build, but you are unable to pay your tidth faithfully, i rather you tidth only."

tidthing enables open heaven over our lives and Pastor Kong is very concerned about this area. if there isn't 100% tidthers, there wouldn't be a full open heaven and miracles, works of God can't be fully operated.

stayed in church after service and had bible studies. went to the security ministry and celebrated tsiu wei and bro lennard's birthday! hehz~ zhaowei and i had a great time hiding away from them as we're the cake carriers, again.

good news to share, PRAISE THE LORD!! bro chongkeng revealed to edwin and i that we would be starting our elites training from next week!! praise the Lord!! i still remember sharing with the ministry my goals and one of them is that i want to be an elite member~ hahAz=)

well.. being an elite is not about.. being better then the rest or the best among all. but i believe being an elite is an totally different area of serving God in security and there's a differnet focus in it. the reason why we were chosen is not because we're the best, but because we're available and committed to the ministry.

bro chongkeng constantly reminded us to guard our hearts, and i believe there's a reason for him to keep repeating that to us=) i feel that he's afraid that pride might swallow us up when we start to serve in elites because everyone has that impression that elites are the best among the best and to be an elite isn't easy.

i guess its really an area God's moulding me hard=)

i just feel so blessed to have zhaowei as a really close brother in Christ. problems we face are almost similar and the thoughts that we have are usually similar.

like what Sister Cynthia says, we're probably placed together by God to encourage one another..

hMm... i'm still quite amazed by what happened last night, during cellgroup meeting.

during worship, the Holy Spirit showed me so many stuffs about the purpose of emerge conference. He showed me the burden of Pastor Kong and why he's doing all these things. He pratically transported me into the mind of Pastor Kong.

perhaps thats why i felt the burden after Pastor Kong laid hands on me? hEhz=P

i wondered why the Holy Spirit was showing me all these, but i soon realized that there's a purpose and reason behind it. the Holy Spirit showed me this person in the cellgroup and wanted me to tell him what He says.

after cellgroup, i shared with that person what the Holy Spirit has told me and the words came like a mighty river. i never felt so good sharing and encouraging someone and i felt as though i was prophesing.

praise the Lord for such an encounter!!

its certainly great to move in the Spirit and its definitely something that i always want to go through. but there's always a price to pay in something like this. God doesn't just use any tom dick or harry, but He's looking for one that's willing and discliplined.

i wouldn't say that i'm the most willing person and the most discliplined person in the cellgroup, but i still thank God for using me to do His works. the joy of the Lord shall be my strength!!

sometimes when things don't go our way, God looks at our character. how do we handle the situation and how do we deal with it. if we choose the wrong way, how is God going to trust you in His riches?

if you're always filled with a doubting mind, looking for faults in other people yet having a huge log in your own eye, how is God going to trust you too?

its great to worship and to linger in His presence. but we cannot remain at our comfort zones! we got to step out in faith, so that the Holy Spirit WILL be able to lead us to greater heights! if we're not even willing to move out of our comfort zone, how is the Holy Spirit going to mould us and change us for Christ?

a Christian starts to die when he/she is not growing. lets NOT be a dead fish, but lets be like the salmon, that swims upstream.

All I Need Is You, Lord.

my fone died on me yesterday.

was informed that all my contacts maybe erased, so if you're my friend, please message my HP and indicate who you are=)

Christ.

the things we do for Him is out of fear and love or simply just for the sake of doing it?

serving God is great. but serving God with the wrong desires would lead to the wrong paths in life and thus leading to destruction. sometimes we may feel that we're doing things with love, but do we actually realize that its becoming a routine than out of love and fear?

serving with Godly fear and love WILL never become a routine.

as we serve God, we learn invaluable lessons from Him. He shows us different situations and we adapt to it. but some people serve God with what they are comfortable in.

its always not about being comfortable in a ministry, but its always about what you want to learn in that ministry and why. if you're unable to answer that simple question, it means that you're not prepared to join that ministry!

to join a ministry, we first must have a vision. a dream of where we want to stand and how we can serve Him better. its not about joining a ministry that you like or you're comfortable in.

we always have to stretch our capacity and we must not stay in our comfort zone. the moment we start to stay in our comfort zone, we become stagment. once we're stagment, we're unable to grow to what God wants us to be.

dont let fear cripple your heart. God is able to take away all fears because perfect love casts out all fears.

emerge conference 2005, last day.

the final results are out and for the secondary school cluster, south clusters are the winners and JC/CI took the other category.

i'm quite shocked that JC/CI managed to win the overall champion, defeating powerhouses like NTU and SIM/SMU.

anyway, Ngee Ann Poly got quite a good standing of 5th=)

it was a day of celebrations with loads of prize giving and performances. i was serving, but didn't hold onto any comm sets, thus i was able to enjoy the service without any distractions and without doing much stuffs.

Pastor Kong preached about the Holy Spirit, about how important the Holy Spirit is in our everyday walk with God. though there were parts that were repeated, the message is still very revelational and impacting.

this year's emerge conference is very inspiring. its about living our life to the fullest for Jesus, not busy in ministry, but waiting upon the Lord.

like what Pastor Kong said, after we end emerge conference, there would be a longing in our hearts. i'm starting to feel that longing because for the past few months, we have been meeting up so frequently to train for POS.

suddenly its all over and our lives are back to "normal". though there's a different purpose now, i still feel weird knowing that we're not meeting up tomorrow to go church or somewhere together.

Pastor Kong reminded us to keep that longing in our hearts, to remember this wonderful event, our experiences and never to lose it. but most of all, to allow this conference change our lives, not just to inspire, but to transform each and every single one of us.

Spiritual Hunger, the Holy Spirit. these are some of the things Pastor Kong shared.

God uses those who are hungry and thirsty for Him. the Holy Spirit anoints those that seek His face and those whose hearts are set on Jesus. those that are humble, God lifts them up. but those that are proud, God resists them.

we need the Holy Spirit everyday; He has the power to do great things.

-

i think this year's emerge conference showed me how much i strayed off the basic foundations. its always about seeking His face and loving His works. Christianity is not a religion, but its a belief, its love. if i don't love His words, works, what i'm doing now is just purely religious duties.

wouldn't it be sad one day, if we go up to Heaven and when we stand infront of the pearly gates, St. Peter says that our name is not in the book of life.

i kinda figured out that i've been quite unfaithful in areas of my life, but God has been very faithful to me. how to expect God to use me when i'm unfaithful in the small things that i do!?

Christ = love. if there's no love flowing out of our hearts, its dead religious works.

i do not want to be like those people who burn out after a period of time. i want to be an everlasting light for Jesus, shining in the dark, guiding those that are lost. i may not be the best, or the most anointed. but what i know is that i serve a great God, with NO limitations!!

its back to the basics.

emerge conference 2005.

different focus, different revelations, but the same presence of God.

this year, emerge conference has a totally different feeling for me. this time, i'm serving in ministry and it sure feels different. last year, i was able to focus without much distractions. but this time, i've to stretch myself and focus on serving and getting ministered on.

it seems that the main message about this year's emerge conference is about back to the basics. back to the heart of worship, the spiritually hunger in us and evanglistic messages.

this year, i feel stretched by God as the tests He placed in my path is really challenging and most of the time, i've been sacrificing praises to Him. when times are really bad, i chose to trust Him and He blessed me greatly=)

being involved in parade of schools is expensive. i think i've spent almost all my money just on POS alone, the transport and food, costumes and some other stuffs. but as i gave, He provided for my meals. my friends, shuling especially, blessed me with meals everyday.

when i was weak, He sent people to encourage me and strengthen my faith.

if i didn't realize all these are happening, i would have thought that i did these with my own strength. but i do know that all things are possible because of the grace of God. my mind has been playing tricks with me, telling me things that aren't godly and righteous.

its really difficult trying to discern the truth because its just a fine line.

felt burdens in my heart after pastor laid hands on me. i'm still unable to discern it, but i guess like what charis says, the more i seek Him, the more He would reveal to me.

well. great conference... are you learning something?

praise the Lord, with all my heart and my soul =)

thank God i didn't have to serve in security today. lifted up all my excessive baggage and placed them on the altar. though it was hard to focus, i tried and kept praying; i endured and by the grace of God, i brokethrough =)

service was fantastic. Pastor Kong preached about being an influence in the marketplace, changing the cities for Jesus, His kingdom. being current with the soceity, but not influenced by the soceity, but bringing restoration!!

we're to restore, not destroy.

had POS training at blk661 and we kept drilling on our timings. praise God! though it was tiring, it's really fruitful and during our final rehearsal in church later, we managed to deliver most of the stunts and it was really quite a sight.

everything flowed and clicked together, even Pastor Sun said that our tosses are nice and she likes our costume!! praise God!!

it felt really good after the rehearsal, knowing that we did well and there wasn't much hipcups. everyone's morale went sky rocketing and we couldn't stop cheering~ glory to God!! He's the One that provided strength and coordination!!

tuesday is the final battle! i'm excited about the actual performance and i just can imagine the atmosphere that charges everyone up and everything we do would be met by cheering. woah... i can't wait =)

praise the Lord!!!!!

choices.

choices we make will also bring responsibilites. sometimes we make the wrong choices and regret. the "if only" mentality comes up and you start blaming yourself in everything. sometimes its purely our fault, but we deny it.

stepping into the shoes of others would help in understanding the situation. but before we can step into the shoes of others, we have to be meek. being meek is not easy and its probably one of the toughest fruits to bear. when we're scolded, our defense system activates and we would think of excuses to cover up our mistakes. denying our mistakes is always the easy way out, but we gain nothing out of it.

only when we quieten down and step into the shoes of others, then would we get their intentions.

whats done cannot be undone, whats of the past cannot be reversed.

a lesson learnt cannot be forgotten.

it takes -

a spark to start a fire.
a second difference to decide winner.
a misunderstanding to breakup a relationship.
a step of faith to venture into the unknown.
a hello to start a conversion.
a bye to end a conversion.
a blink of an eye to miss miracles.
a finger to point the direction.
a step to move on.

a simple act of faith for a Man to stay on the cross.

our journey with Christ can be like this. all it takes is just something we need to do and God will do the rest. if we want fire, we get the gas and the matchsticks. do you lay hands on your stove and say, "in Jesus' name, i command you to burn!" ?

if no one were to step out and lead, everyone would be like lost sheeps, bleching and panicking. in times like this, things may happen and if we're not prepared, we might just lose something precious to us.

i've my fairshare of gaining and losing. but as much as i gain, i do not want to lose them. losing something precious is very painful. do you want to wait till you lose something, then regret it? if i'm given the choice, i would gladly turn back time and explain things clearly. i would prevent more people from being hurt, be it emotionally or physically.

but i do not have the power for that to happen. all these things happen for a reason. God has placed experiences in us for a reason, and thats to share. God gives us choices everyday in our lives, choices that we have to make that will determine the next choice we make.

screw up the first choice, the rest of the day would be tough. but it doesn't mean that there's no turning back. God is able to restore and we continue from where we stopped. from here, choices have to be made.

if i've made a choice to do something, do i give up halfway because its tough? no! its almost like breaking your promise to God! whatever things we do, we do it for Jesus and if we were to do it half heartedly or halfway, it doesn't bring glory to His name.

our life is determined by the choices we make. make the right choice everyday; listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

haven been blogging much. i guess its just because i've been doing the same routine everyday - training.

was down with a shoulder strain and it hurt badly on monday. the moment sam loaded into the bases, my shoulders felt the strain and i couldnt feel the strength to toss her up. when we had to catch her, it would be another painful stretch on my shoulders and i still have to resist her.

felt better today as we didn't train much for 2 days, but drilled on our timing and formation.

i learnt something quite interesting during my IS class today. we shouldnt judge by looking at the behaviour, but on the intention.

our intention maybe good, but we do not know how to put it across, thus we may cause hurt. if its not properly protrayed, the receiver may receive it wrongly and there wouldn't be proper communication. in order to understand someone, we got to know what they are their thoughts; we must help them open up their mind and expand the choices.

speech makes up 7% of communication, 93% of communication is by our body language.

went to church for prayer meeting and i served. wasn't assigned a position, but was given a radioset and told that i'll be on free and easy, just do whatever i want~ loLz=P so i stood at the doors and participated in the prayer meeting.

during the prayer meeting, my stomach was aching badly. it was so painful to the extend that i felt like vomiting so that i may feel better=/

its the first time i serve for short hours and the first time i felt so relaxed serving.

headed straight to training after praying meeting and due to shortage of people, we did the timings again and improved on our spirit in. we're becoming more and more like magnum force!! hAhaz~! i think that it would be fantastic if we carry their spirit throughout the performance.

headed for supper and had a great time fellowshipping with them. shared experiences, sang songs and ate prata!! loLz=P

God's really faithful to me. i've been faithfully serving in security ministry and doors are opening up for me in the ministry like never before. its almost confirmed that i'll be H1 during emerge conference, and most likely i'll start my elites training 2 weeks from now, during my off day; thats if bro michael wants it=P

thank God for so many open doors and favor time and time again. but its not the time to get big headed, but all the more i have to humble myself and serve more because thats what a leader is for. Jesus came to this world not to be served, but serve.

i believe as God promotes me, i grow to the next level of spirituality and i'll face new problems, difficulties and challenges. i'll start to notice flaws i never did, according to the Holy Spirit, and i'll learn to depend more on God than my own strength.

i believe i'll have an encounter with God and it will change my life completely.