so tired. i never felt so tired... perhaps God's really moulding me hard...

woke up at 5.30am to iron my pants, but i can never iron it straight enough. its always slanted towards the side and after ironing it for more then 30 minutes, i gave up. rushed to bath and headed to meet kim at her place.

when i was waiting at the bus stop near her place, i realized that i didnt shave my stubble. felt a little frustrated but there's nothing i can do, unless i've the skill of some uncles who are able to clip off their stubble using two twenty cent coins.

pretty kim came and off we went to church.

when we alighted at the church bus stop, i realized i didn't bring my tie. felt really frustrated by then and i really wondered if my day would really start that bad. well, little did i know that there's more to come...

during service, Pastor Ulf collected a second offering. one of the senior ushers informed me that she's missing 1 bucket. so i went over and offered to help and i informed her junior ushers to look for that 1 bucket. they simply looked around and said that there isn't any buckets.

so the entire offering bag was delayed and i got scolded.

THEN, the senior usher came back and confirmed with me that she's missing 1 bucket. so i comms and informed that my section has lost a bucket. i got scolded and even while i was looking for the bucket. well, nothing new and its not that i mind being scolded though, but i was really pissed off with the junior ushers whom didn't confirm the number of buckets.

thank God the bucket was retrived, much to the relief of me and the senior usher.

did i mention that i didn't even feel sharp? =.-

but really thank God after service 4, things changed and i got really better. during service 6, i was seated at one of the seats and Pastor Ulf didn't preach much but shared about his experiences. it was really enriching listening to his experiences and during the ministry time, i felt something that i felt last year when Pastor Phil Pringle was giving the altar call.

its like the Holy Spirit pressing onto your heart, urging you.

on the bus journey home, i suddenly had this vision, again, of myself preaching. then came the spiritual attacks. there were thoughts in my mind like - look at yourself, do you think that you look like a preacher? you look so kiddish and even you think that you look weird preaching!

well, i didn't entertain much to those thoughts but i decided to sleep.

when i woke up, i felt different again. this time, i felt lonely. SHEESH...

started to feel like there's a void in my life and week in week out, i'm doing the same stuffs and i don't seem to be getting anywhere. then i remembered Pastor Kong saying something about waiting, that we have to flow with God's timing and God's ALWAYS WITH ME!!

so with these in mind, i dragged myself to charmaine's place to collect my march devotions, but she refused to meet me; so i dragged myself home.

if i were to explain my own situation now, it would be the time of trials and testing. a period of time when God tests my faith and sees if i were to trust in Him. but this is based on my knowledge. i need a confirmation from somebody and i need somebody to guide me.

my life, as described as Pastor Kong, is like a routine now. school, cellgroup, church, school, cellgroup, church... week in week out, its the same and nothing's happening.

i really just hope that God brings me to the next level...