i'm just a human being who wants to serve God, to give God my very best. even if i'm using my own strength, i still want it to be my best effort to God. i'll be burnt out and tired, but i hope that at the end of the day, i did something to bring glory to God's name.

no matter how much i try without the anionting and direction from God, chances are slim. but i just want to go on.

areas in my life haven been submitted to God and areas in my life that doesn't bring glory to God. why would He want to use someone like me when he has a mighty army of soldiers filled with Faith and the Holy Spirit.

but God still uses the weak to bring Glory to Him.

thank God for Eugene. he called, we chatted. as simple as that and when he shared, i could feel faith building up in me. the things that he shared with me were things that i thought of for the cellgroup. not only i wasn't alone, there is someone who shares the same thoughts as i do!

many things happened as we chatted. xj called and said there wouldn't be games, but prayer meeting. eugene and i were talking and he shared about the importance of prayers. well, instantly a seed was planted and viola~ God moved His hand.

i felt a surge of faith rising up in me, something that i sorely missed throughout the day.

and now, something even greater happened. eugene prayed for a word and God showed eugene this verse.

1 Corinthians 4:16 - Therefore I urge you, imitate me.
17 For this reason I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church.
18 Now some are puffed up, as though I were not coming to you.
19 But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord wills, and I will know, not the word of those who are puffed up, but the power.
20 For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power.
21 What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?

when i read it, it was almost like God telling me to test Him. Timothy was like eugene, who reminded me about faith and being strong and the power of God is available.

so its like God shouting this into my ear, "TRY ME!!!"

as for eugene, heh~ all the best brosie=) all i can say is that God really misses you a lot~~ and the angels are cheering~~ rest assured, i'll be reminding you of 1cor 4:16=D=D=D

-

eugene shared about leadership in the cellgroup and i realized that it does actually make LOADS of sense. in the earthly way of explaining, i'll be using Manchester United.

a CGL is like Alex Ferguson. he's the manager, coach and AF's task is to train the players, motivate and inspire them. AF is also the visionary, whose vision is to capture the EPL, Euro Cup and FA Cup, thus getting the Treble.

similar to a CGL, a CGL trains, motivates and inspires the cellgroup members. a CGL is also a visionary who has a vision for the cellgroup and leads the cellgroup towards that vision.

what about CG Helpers? they are the PLAYERS. not any players but the influencial players. players like Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs, Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Gary Neville. each of them have DIFFERENT tasks.

Roy Keane is a Midfield Marshal, which means he commands the midfield of Man United. he's also the captain, that assists AF to motivate the players on the pitch.

Ryan Giggs is the one that delivers the crosses for RVN. his crosses has to be timely and most of the time, he's the one that gets tackled heavily.

RVN is the striker and his main task is to score goals. if he fails to do so, the team is unable to win.

G Neville is a defender and his task is to organise the defense. if the defense is shakey, the opponents are able to score goals easily. resulting in a loss.

can you imagine if they all decided to be like a GK? just stand between the poles and guard the goal, so that no one could score? it would be great, getting 1 point per match, but chances of winning the championship is zero!

but when each of them does their job, the team wins.

for cellgroup, the members are like the footballers. the ball is in our control and how we play the game is very important. we HAVE to know our roles in the cellgroup and we HAVE to contribute to it.

man utd didn't build on 1 person, but they build on teamwork and unity.

there would be challenges, teams like Arsenal and Chelsea. but do we bow down our heads in loss? NEVER! we got to fight, and keep on fighting!!!

if things have to be changed, we change and adapt! tactics have to be changed in real soccer matches. same goes for cellgroups! if its not working, change! things got to change!! if we're sinning, we got to CHANGE!!!

at the end of the day, i'm not wishing for Pastor Kong to call me on my HP and say, well done joel!! maybe you would like to preach to the congregation on sunday morning? NO!!

at the end of the day, i would want to know that i did something NOT of my own strength AND something that brings GLORY to God and He says, "Well done My faithful servant."

its surprising how God works.

i'm beginning to see a little bit of myself in a member in my cellgroup...

thinks highly of myself, has great dreams and visions, not really willing to listen, carries burdens that i didn't need to, think that i know everything... stuffs like that. after chatting with that member, i can't help but feel afraid.

one wrong choice, he could end up like a Gnostic person.

am i the ONLY one that feels that way?

i managed to wriggle out of that trouble is when i started to realize that i'm really puny in God's eye and at anytime, He's able to turn the tables and there i would be; at the end of the table.

i realized that i needed a leader in my life, so that i can learn and grow. no matter who the leader is, he/she is placed in my life for a reason.

i realized that fellowship with the cellgroup is important because they are the ones that change your life and thru fellowship, you grow.

i begin to realize that being in Christ is not about myself, but its about others. it doesnt mean that i disregard my relationship with God, but it simply means that my life doesnt revoke around me only. self centred.

c'mon. if you're reading my blog and you're from my cellgroup, especially xj, i really don't feel good about a particular thingy. lets DO something!? instead of letting things be the way it is and pray to God that things will change by its own.

faith NEEDS action and action NEEDS faith!!

its time.

to n272 - if you're reading and you feel that i've gone bonkers, please sms me. i'll gladly try to explain.

OLE OLE OLE~~ OLE OLE~~

hAhaz~ Singapore won the Tiger Cup 2005 with a aggregate score of 5-2!!

watching the match at home and watching it at in national stadium is certainly different. thank God there are soccer fanatics in Security and Brother TaiFong managed to get the tickets for those who were interested in going.

so, off we went to the national stadium.

the queue was SUPER DUPER long!! practically everyone was squeezing and trying to enter the gates and somehow, we managed to get to our seats with 1 minute to settle down.

when the game started, cheers erupted. but when the indo players gained possession, the ENTIRE stadium started booing them~ LoLz!! every single touch was met with a resounding jeer~

suddenly after 10 minutes and a blunder from a indo defender, Singapore scored the first goal of the match!! it happened so fast that we didn't really notice how did it happen, only until the people around us started cheering.

the atmosphere charged up and everyone was singing, cheering and doing the KALLANG WAVE!! HAhaz=P

then, the match got REALLY boring. the singapore defenders were just pumping the ball up to the strikers and all the strikers do is just sprint after the ball. there wasn't much proper build up of play and most of the players didn't control the ball.

so it was like - ball come, whack away.

until the moment when a Singapore player was brought down in the penalty box, everyone started cheering, and jeering at the indo players, the atmosphere charged up again~ Agu Kasmir scored from the spot and the stadium erupted.

most of the time, Brother TaiFong, Bro Michael, KaiKeong, Cain and i were entertaining ourselves~ when the second half started, the referee went on a yellow card spree and started giving out SO MANY yellow cards!! it even resulted in a Singapore player getting sent off because its his second yellow card.

most of the fouls committed by the indo players were left unnoticed, but MINOR fouls by the Singapore players were met with yellow cards~ shEeShHhh.. referee kelong manz!!

anyway, the match got exciting towards the end when Singapore finally played proper soccer and controlled the game pretty well, though indo scored a goal back.

after the prize presentation and stuffs, we headed to the old airport market and had our dinner. met up with Brother ChongKeng and other security personnels and talked about the match~ most of us had siminar thoughts that the game was pretty boring~ loLz=P

it was the crowd that made the experience lively, not the game. loLz=P

introducing the dream team.

GK - Iker Casillas

DR - Carlos Puyol
DL - Gianluca Zambrotta
DC - Rio Ferdinand
DC - Alessandro Nesta

AMR - Cristiano Ronaldo
AML - Vicente
DMC - Roy Keane
MC - Liam Miller
AMC - Francesco Totti

ST - Adriano

Subs -
Petr Cech
Ricardo Carvalho
Roberto Carlos
Gabriel Ivan Heinze
Javier Zanetti
Phillip Lahm
Ryan Giggs
Ronaldinho
Kaka
Figo
Dejan Stankovic
Ruud Van Nistelrooy
Thierry Henry
Wayne Rooney

if you think that i'm gone, i'm still around.

there isn't much stuffs for me to blog about recently. life has been the same - wake up, stone, pee, take off clothes, adjust water hotness, wet myself, shampoo hair, soap, wash off, dry my hair, conditioner, brush teeth, rinse mouth, facial wash, rinse off conditioner and facial wash, dry myself, wear clothes, gel hair, pack bag, wear socks, wear shoes, open door, open gate, close door, close gate, lock gate, walk up stairs, walk towards lift, press lift button, wait for lift, enter lift, press 1st floor, press door close, stand, leave the lift, walk towards bus stop, wait, board bus, tap ez-link card, look for familar faces or pretty girls (usually non), sit if there's seats, stand if there isn't, stone again, alight, walk up overhead bridge, walk across, walk down overhead bridge, cross the road, walk towards bus stop, look for familar faces or pretty girls (usually non too), enter NP gates, walk towards class.

right. that's the journey from home to school. i've decided not to continue with the lessons cause there's loads of possibility of things happening and those are the moments when i use my braincells and think what should i do. loLz=P

i'm really bored.

sunday~~ i feel like i'm repeating myself every sunday - serve, powerful message delivered by Pastor Kong, had fun.

this time, the security ministry had a appreication dinner. bro chongkeng decided to have this dinner to appreciate everyone who had served God last year, no matter when we joined, and its also a time when we fellowship with one another.

it wasn't held at some posh restaurant, but at BEST coffeeshop! HaHaz=P

the food was great and there were loads of army talk at my table~ LoLz=P

my birthday was celebrated earlier too. was kinda a shocker when bro lennard said that we gonna celebrate a long due birthday and he started grinning at me. loL~ was really kinda paiseh as there were around 15 guys singing a birthday song for me. loLz=P

weilun had 100+ guys=x

well, received a tie from the ministry! its a maroon tie and its kinda nice~ more ties! woohoo!

very sleepy now. didn't sleep last night=/

singapore beat indonesia 3-1 in the first leg of the tiger cup finals!!

isn't that cool or what? lolz=) that result was quite a surprise and if indonesia didn't score that fluke goal at the very last second, it would be a "perfect" match for the second leg back in singapore.

earlier in the day, i went to meet natalie and we headed off to bugis. met up loads of former greenridge students along the way and one of them was elin. its been eons since i last saw her and i mistook her for natalie from the back.

natalie needed to upgrade her phone's software and i accompanied her to bugis. realized that the nokia care centre at bugis is closed after calling their hotline number~ hEh... then, we went to topman and after trying four shirts, i picked a shirt and thats my present from nat. loLz=P

so now i got two new shirts, two new ties and a new suit! praise the Lord!! nat wanted to buy a tie for me too, but the ties were kinda ugly~ loLz=P

squeezed into the mrt and headed to orchard.

this time, the nokia care centre wasn't closed at wheelock and when nat took her queue number, we realized that she's behind by a hundred people.

we had loads of time to eat and slack at borders before counting down at the nokia care centre.

eugene and josline met me and we went to look for huileng. that pretty girl is working at takashimaya, paperdoll, and after saying hi, we said bye. shEeSh... i wonder what was josline thinking about at that time~

went to natalie's oldest sister's place for dinner and played with their "terror" daughter~ loLz=P her daughter is kinda cute and she didn't terroize me, but kept playing toys with me=P maybe i'm just super attractive to kids. LOLZ!!

i'm gonna blog on something that would shock many people, possibly attract loads of attention from many kinds of people... okie. i'm just considering on that, but i do feel the need to explain some stuffs that might have confused many people...

well, i'm just considering and perhaps i would blog about it after intensive bible research...

i survived thursday!!

well, thursday ain't that bad afterall. minus the fact that its from 8am to 5pm and my lunch break is at 1pm.

i'm really starting to like EVP loads. though its programming and there's still codes to remember and stuffs, the sense of achievement when you do something yourself and when its a success is GREAT!!

who cares if its a simple program~ =P

-

sometimes, don't you just wish that there's a place where you can meet God and talk to Him face to face?

a place where its white all over and a Great Man seated on a chair with a warm smile on His face. then when you reach His seat, you realize that He's so huge, you seem so small. but when He lifts you up, you're taller then any mountains and you see countries right before you.

we're so small, yet God is able to use us so mightly.

but if we're not careful, our ego can cause us to fall from God's hand to ground zero. yes, no doubt that God would catch us. but the lesson would teach us to be humble for God honors the humble and shames the proud.

sometimes life can be extremely confusing. things happen around you and you wonder why. deaths, tsunamis, earthquakes set people asking if there's really a God, and if there's a God, why is all these happening? ain't God a loving God who loves His people?

if i had the answers to these mysteries, i would gladly reveal it. but the fact is that its written in matthew that before the second coming of Christ, there will be more quakes and deaths. so what we are going through right now, it maybe just the beginning and it maybe the last days.

things around us a rapidly changing and have you ever stopped and wondered why are you on earth? especially in Singapore, everything is so organised.

you go to school, study, graduate, work, get married and then retire. the govenment has everything planned out for you. some people are so caught in the rat race that they lose out on so many things in life they ought to know.

not just Christ, not just the Bible. but the true riches of life.

you spend as much as you earn and every month, you work towards that paycheck so that you can pay off your bills and loans given by PUB, Singtel, your Internet Service Provider, handphone bills and many more.

life is more then paying bills and chasing your tail everyday. you run in circles, get tired and worn out. but at the end of the day, you realize that you're still in the same place.

indeed, life moulds and changes you. you would say that you've changed and have been moulded by society. but is that what you really want in life?

i've always believed in simple living. but i know that simple living can be comfortable living too. living simple doesn't mean that i sleep on the floor, without aircons or i don't have a cosy home. simple living can be pampering myself and my family members everyday when we've abundance in finances.

of cause. money takes on the image of the owner, not the other way round. we do not let money control us=) so if you're a slave to money, you just work for money. but if you're not, then the money you have in your hands can be put to a good clause.

at the same time, you would have more then enough for you.

ain't God is a great God?

God is able to give us more then what we need. but does He trust us with His finances? heros of the Bible gained God's trust and they had abundance of wealth; Abraham, Jesus and Joseph. there's a lot more, but these three are the "famous" ones.

how did they gain God's trust?

just by seeking God's heart, purely, and obeying His commandments. besides that, they had an intimate relationship with God and many times, they had an encounter with Him. ain't that wonderful to have that happening in our lives?

its still possible because Jesus is from the New Testament and we're living in the New Testament! the miracles that were performed by the 12 disciples and Jesus is still working after 2000 years! the blind shall see, the lame shall walk and the crippled shall be set free!! hallelujah!!

not only that. God wants to prosper you and me. but do you want to receive His blessing, no matter how hard the journey maybe?

if i were you, i would stick onto God no matter what happens and trust Him to carry me through the valleys of death.

the truth has set me free, and its time for you to receive it too.

Hoobastank - The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

-

really nice song... meaningful too...

wOopiEe dEe dOo!!

came back from g2000!! =D

went to g2000 with my mom and i bought her to the suntec outlet. there were loads of people and loads of blazers for me to choose~ i guess they bought out the old stocks as some of them were badly crumpled.

managed to find a decent looking blazer, but spent loads of time hunting for the matching pants. found out that there isn't any size available for me, so my mom decided to buy the blazer first, then look for the pants else where.

after having dinner, we headed to bugis and found the matching pants. though its 2 sizes bigger, we bought the pants~ well, sizes can be altered and just a little alteration wouldn't cause much difference in the appearance~

mom insisted that i bought a plain coloured longsleeve shirt too~ and also insisted that i don't buy a tie in the shop. loLz=P saw this really nice dark blue tie, but wasn't allowed to buy... even the salesgirl was laughing when my mom said that she knows where to buy cheaper ties=P

well, finally i've a suit thats of my size and i won't look like i'm a little kid wearing a oversized coat=)

G2000 AND TOPMAN SALE!!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?

blazers going for as low as 69 bucks at g2000!!!!

i wouldn't mind getting more shirts, as long as its dark coloured, and ties!! =D=D=D=D=D=D

God bless YOU!!! in terms of finances, so that you can bless me=D=D=D=D

directly, God bless me!!! in finances!! HAhaahAza=X

i didn't want to blog until i watched the comedy show at channel 8.

today's feature is about dancing and the guy who did the striptease during the singapore idol auditions was there. the moment he appeared, i knew that it would be bad.

he started taking off his shirt and dance. i was so grossed out that i decided to throw the rubbish, which was extremely entertaining.

then, he did a little drama thingy and all he did was just to shout and look plain dumb.

the judges, 3 of them were females, were shocked. fann wong cried cause she was too scared, another actress beside her was in total shock too.

that guy said that the commitee invited him to the show for a performance. i thought its a total suicidal thingy to do. asking a crazy person who thinks that he's really attractive and people really like him to perform live.

then, he took off the shorts and claimed that the underwear he wore inside is trunks. heh. i didn't get to see that, and i wouldn't want to, cause the camera crew decided to add a cute little picture covering his trunks.

at that moment, lee guohuang got so pissed off that he walked off the recording studio. he left everyone in shock too. that thickskin guy was still smiling and enjoying himself. shEesh...

i wonder what would PM Lee think after watching that show.

PM Lee once said that that crazy guy is a example that we should follow, offering our services to people and said that his business plan is a good one.

anyway, i've no idea why this guy loves attention and does crazy stuffs like this on national TV. he claims that he wants to entertain, but his target audience isn't singaporeans i hope.

i really don't want to see a stupid yellow man stripping in my TV shows.

first sunday service of the year!! wOohOo!!

woke up extremely late and took a cab down to church. thank God i was still counted as early as i reached at 7.30am, but late for logistics.

service today was great~!! even though it was almost an repeat of last year's goal setting sermon, i was clearer of what Pastor Kong was teaching and had some of my goals written down already=P

then, i headed down to suntec, CHC education centre, for the tsunami offering counting.

the counting was really fast as there were more then 10 ushers present and they completed each service at a average time of 1 hour~ leaving loads of time to rest, eat and chat.

after getting released by Brother Lennard, i headed home and along the way, i saw that topman is having their year end sales. walked into the shop and started looking at shirts and ties. saw this black shirt that's kinda nice and i bought it.

there isn't any discount for that shirt because its a new design!! aHh!! but nevermind, its kinda nice=)

now i need more ties to match my shirts~ hAaz~ i've a blue striped and black striped shirt now, so i'll probably need a lighter shade of tie to match the shirt~ hEh=P -hinTz-

i realised that i'm always looking at the striped shirts~ loLz=P perhaps it makes me look taller...

reached home, realised that my table was in a total mess and i decided to do something about it. cleared all the junk on the table and suddenly, i was in a cleaning mood.

so i opened the drawers one by one and started to arrange and throw unwanted stuffs~

my room looks kinda neat now, and i'm considering to do a simple piece of display, with all my scout badges~ loLz=P found loads of badges when clearing my ancient drawers=P

i think i should start now~ ciao

its a new year!!!

yesterday was a super long day~ made use of the ENTIRE day to celebrate and play.

went to my cousin's place to celebrate and, as usual, i played with the kids. it was really tiring playing xbox and ps2 with them as my eyes were kinda dry and they were cheating~ so it got really boring for me, but extremely exciting for them.

well, can't blame~ kids are like that=P

then, i got dragged into a "disco" room and was forced to "dance" because its my birthday. didn't really dance but did something to "escape" from the endless pulling and cheering from them~

then at 12am, josline called and asked me to go kbox~ loLz=P i went because eugene's there and her cousin, huileng, is there~ a total babe~

made my way down to town and my phone batt went totally dead. but thank God when i went to look for them, i found josline standing at the escalator, waiting for us.

we ended up at party world because we could sing until 6am and there were rooms available for us. joyce bought wenxi and yulong along, but were in another room with their classmates~

it was really tiring~ everyone was tired and the more we sang, the worst we became? hAhaz=P anyhow, we survived till 6am.

i took loads of pictures last night at my cousin's place~ heh~ super cute nephews and nieces i have=D

starting with~~

JOY!! super cute girl, drinking her milk=X



Jameson, infected with madcow disease...



Janeen, madcow disease too...



and Jamie...



all i want for Christmas is my two front teeth~ Jett!!



i forgot his name=/



Jamie, trying to shoot Jameson, who was VR Man that time.



Joy, still drinking her milk, and him! =X



Joy with Jett, her body guard~



The Pro Gamers. Jameson and Quincy



The Pro Gamblers. James Kor, Francis Kor, Mom and Lucy Jie.



party boy!! jett!



well, obviously there's a lot more kids whose picture i didn't manage to take. kiddos like queenie and justin~ heh=P perhaps next time~

cute right my nephews and nieces? =D

Cellgroup appreciation meeting.

was kinda tired as i had school earlier, but the excitment of everyone really gave me strength. decided not to be the gloomy face around~ loLz=P

Keeve and i were leading games and in the beginning, i was stunned by my own cellgroup member. when i started to explain the details of the games, Keeve started singing the birthday song and boonteck appeared out of no where with a birthday cake.

i really didn't expect them to celebrate my birthday before cellgroup started, as its usually celebrated after cellgroup.

its really very scary to have 2 cellgroup celebrating your birthday and everyone screaming into your ear. Charmaine had the honours to scream right into my ear and i was almost deaf~ lolz=P

peace restored and i was allowed to explain the game.

we played wacko as an ice breaker and it was really funny~ there were supposed to have 2 names being called out at the same time, but we could only manage with 1 name. it was really fast~

then we played a game that required the members to pass down a message. it was really funny listening to the final message and its totally different from the orginal message.

Keeve ended the game with a really great word. he shared that the game is like people gossiping. usually, the message will be mixed up and it wouldn't mean what the orginal message means. its so true, and thats actually what i learnt in Human Communication recently.

then we had our prize giving.

i was given a transformer award and mr. N272~ lolz~

reason why transformer? read my previous entry=P

mr. N272!? i've NO IDEA! i really thought it would be reuben as he really impacted and made loads of difference to the lives of sheena, victoria and rachel. since day 1, i looked upon him as a leader and i wanted to be like him, always armed with a smile and a great word.

he's like always on a 24 hours standby. when you need him, he's there for you~ praying and encouraging you.

EUGENE! really glad that you bothered to come, and amist all those thoughts you had, i'm really shocked and encouraged that you're back!! welcome back brosie~ and let that fire burn wild=) don't be afraid of what your thinking. let the love of God fill you once again=) allow Him to heal you...

its my birthday today!! wHee!!

shall talk about the gifts that i received...

2 Fila shirts from my cellgroup. pretty cool~ i would be wearing them, don't worry=)

2 Precious Moments Figurines!!!!

this is called Serenity Prayer Boy.



and this is called Onward Christian Soldiers, together with Prayer Boy=)



beautiful right!?

hAaz=D=D lurve them...

i've received a SL65 for my birthday, Christmas too~ given by my mom and sister =)

recieved a USB torch from PM Lee Hsieng Loong. (actually, my sister)

received a chocolate bar and soap from Victoria~ (gift xchange...)

hahaZz~ its been really great... celebrations this year were totally different from last year=)

so, today is the last day of the year and there's celebrations around. but lets not forget about the people who are suffering after the tsunami, people who lost their loved ones and people who are suffering right now...

lets all pray for them. the power of prayers is unbelieveable.

I've been in church for 1 year, 2 months. Though it may seem like a short time to many people, I feel as if I've been in church for all my life.

Last year, before I gave my heart to Christ, I was a broken person who got involved in a not-right relationship. The relationship damaged the relationship I had with my friends and family members.

I seldom spent time at home or with my friends. Most of the time was spent with my ex-girlfriend, idling away in her place.

We encountered loads of problems in the relationship and we broke up. But we patched things up as I'm a soft hearted person.

During times of difficulties, I had no one to turn to. I remembered myself crying out to God. Every night, I would ask God to take away my pains and sufferings because I couldn't take it anymore.

I argued with my family members just because of the girl and I couldn't be bothered talking to them as I thought they were all against me. That's one of the worst mistakes I've ever done in my life.

I still remembered how much I sacrificed for the girl, but gained nothing but more heart-aches.

When we finally broke up, I thought things would be better. Little did I expect that my relationship with my friends were drifted so far apart that it seems weird hanging out with them again.

Every day, I was still tormented by the memories that lingered in my mind. The many times my ex-girlfriend tried to patch things up and friends asking me to accept her.

I really wanted to move on, but I couldn't.

I found myself drifting away from Mankind and I couldn't relate to much people. I would usually be alone and not make new friends. When school started, I was alone in class and most of the time; I would do things my own.

On the outside, I seem to be normal. But on the inside, I was dying.

Every night, I cried out to God and asked Him for help.

Then I got invited to church, City Harvest Church.

It wasn't a special service, but I still remembered how I was touched by the love of God and His people. It was a fantastic feeling and I felt loved in church. Then, my friend challenged me to give my heart to Christ, because God has called me and it's pretty obvious that He's calling me.

I took that first step of faith and messaged Charmaine. I told her that I want to attend service that week. I never knew that I took that first step towards God, God took ten thousand steps towards me.

Soon, my emotional hurts were healed.

My relationship with my ex-girlfriend was restored after a Sunday service. Pastor Kong preached that we shouldn't harbor hatred in our hearts. So I prayed and asked for forgiveness. I asked God to let me meet my ex-girlfriend once, so that I could ask for forgiveness.

God is a good God and He answered my prayers, immediately.

I walked out of church, crossed the road and met her.

my relationship with my classmates grew and I never felt bored about school, with them around.

I was contented being a Christian, receiving blessings and feeling His presence in church. I just wanted to be a follower, not a leader.

I was challenged to rise up in the cellgroup by Venetia, our former cellgroup leader. Slowly, I begin to share testimonies during cellgroup meetings and serve the cellgroup by booking seats.

Thus, I was given more tasks. I was assigned to be a birthday IC and bible verse IC. I was constantly reminded by Xiaojia that we have to be faithful in little things, and then God would trust us with the greater blessings in life.

There were times when I felt totally discouraged in the cellgroup. Things didn't turn out the way I expected and I couldn't do anything to change it. The burden I carried was far too heavy for me to bear and I had thoughts of giving up.

Emerge Conference came in time and it restored my fire. During Emerge Conference, I was pregnant with God's visions. He showed me such wonderful visions that I couldn't help but share it with all my friends.

God showed me a scene of me leading a cellgroup filled with excited youths. He also showed me a scene, where I was standing behind a pulpit and when I gave the altar call, thousands of people responded and gave their hearts to Jesus.

I also saw myself in suit, serving God in security.

Every night when I prayed, these dreams, desires and visions kept filling my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about them and I felt very excited. I knew that they would come to past because it's birth-forth from God.

Along the journey, I grew stronger spiritually.

I knew I'm not the same as before.

There were times when I felt spiritually dry, but those were the times when I draw closer to God, seeking Him with all my heart, wanting to receive more.

As I continued to rise up in cellgroup, God continued to bless me. My relationships with my family members were restored and now, I share my faith with my sister freely.

I treasure my friends more then ever before and whenever there's a chance to hang out with them, I would take time out and join them for supper or just a gathering. Through all these gathering, God took the bad relationships and made them good.

Recently, it was Christmas and I decided to send out Christmas cards. I didn't write my address at the back because I didn't want to give the impression that I want something back from them. But, my friends asked me for my address and they sent me beautiful messages that really touched my heart.

I never knew that I made a huge difference in their lives.

I feel like as if I've moved from one end to the other end in just a few months. Though it was a short time, the change was amazing. From a person who rather sits back, to a person who wants to change and impact lives forever.

Now as I continue my journey towards the destination, I'm very sure that God has placed many beautiful things in my path.

For this coming year, I just want to be a faithful steward of God and serve Him because I love Him and not because it's my job.

usually, there would be a debrief after an event.

i shall do a debrief - 2003 - 2004.

i shall do something kinda straight foward.

my church gave us a goals card at the beginning of the year. there are 8 categories to show a clearer picture of what we need and what we want. of cause, i had my copy and i filled it up.

Spiritual Life - Invite family members for church service, do my quiet time every night, read the bible once a week.

well, its just the first category and i don't feel like going on. loLz=)

i've invited my mom for Pastor John Avanizi's service, but she rejected my invitation because she feels that she's too old for stuffs like that.

do my quiet time every night - loLz~ i guess most of you know that i do my quiet time the wrong way. people lay on their bellys, to show their respect, but i lay on my back=X

read the bible once a week - i used to read my bible in buses, mrts, lrts, anywhere you can think of. till recently, i've stopped doing it~ i WILL and want to continue doing that =)

Family & Friends - Have no enemies, treat all equal.

i guess i've managed to fulfill this. unless you hate me and you're reading my blog now, let me know. you'll receive my "wraith" =)

Health - to be more toned, build up my size.

heh~ i wrote this because i desired to be in Security ministry and i can't imagine being a super small sized security personnal in church. well, for a period of time, i was really toned and i went from M to L. but during my exam and holiday period, i stopped visiting the gym and thus lost loads of weight.

not forgetting i had cough for 3 months, deprived myself of basketball too.

Emotional, Psychological Growth - control my anger, sadness. be daring to do things.

basically, sometimes i feel that i'm a short tempered person. thats a flaw of mine and when i'm not in the mood, i'll really snap. don't believe? ask my sister=)

daring to do things. i wonder why i wrote that back then, but i guess its about sharing my faith to everyone, especially my family members. i've managed to share a little with my sister and mom, but not my dad. hMmm...=/

Education, Intellectual, Professional - do well in my modules, at least 3 Bs!!

WOAH! you know the results=/

Material - Save money, at least $50 every week.

this is something i do every week - deposit 100 bucks into my bank account.
this is something i do everyday - draw 10 bucks everyday.
this is something i do when there's a special event - draw more money.
this is what happens at the end of the week - nothing left in my bank account.

Leisure - rest more.

i had more then enough rest=) thank God.

Creativity - not filled up.

-

even though the goals card is nicely stuck onto my wall, i've noticed that i took 5 minutes to look for my card, not knowing that its nicely stuck onto my wall.

looking through all these stuffs now, i realised that i've fallen short of my goals and definitely, my goals had changed after a period of time.

a quick run through of events in 2004.

these are not in order.

Singapore Youth Flying Club - this is a topic that i always try to avoid. i was a excited youth that received a letter from YFC, indicating that i've been selected to go through their training. not knowing anything abouy flying, i attended lectures at YFC.

it was tiring, but i went on because everyone was encouraging me.

on my second flight, i made a huge screw up that made me cry on the way home. it ain't really easy trying to control a plane while having someone shouting at your ear constantly because of a minor error.

it was the first time i controlled a plane and i was told to hold straight position. well, naturally the plane moved up and down due to a change of pressure and the instructor adjusted the level. so my task was to adjust it back.

being my first time doing that, i did the best that i could. but it wasn't up to the instructor's expections. he was constantly shouting at me that i suddenly cracked.

i asked him, "isn't that normal for the plane to change direction slightly because of changes in the wind direction?" that question caused a huge uproar and the instructor threatened to land the plane because i was questioning him and he felt that i'm not capable of flying.

upon landing, after millions of apologizes from me, i had a de-brief in his room. in the beginning, i had fairly good grades. then, he started deducting marks due to bad performance, bad attitude, bad flying skills and bad preparation.

so i ended up FAILING the stupid second flight. first ever case in YFC?

i really wanted to smack that idiot in his face and remind him that he's no longer flying for RSAF because he can't make it. but, i didn't lah~ left his small little pathetic office and closed the door behind me, gently.

as i had to return my flight file to the office, i took a peek in it and read the contents. i was really pissed off by what he wrote in it. he made something so SMALL seem so huge, like as if i really wanted to argue with him up in the air.

i didn't quit just like that.

i went back for more lectures. but whenever i'm scheduled to fly, i would have something on or i wasn't free. so i lagged behind, by a huge margin. soon, the travelling distance started to toil on me and i HATED travelling to that place.

decided to quit, after loads of consideration.

Pastor Mike Connel's Deliverance - when i heard of his arrival to CHC, i was really excited. i knew that he's a great preacher and he does deliverance. i've yet to see deliverance and i really wanted to experience it myself. so, i found myself praying and asking God to show me that power of His.

heh. come sunday, along with my friend, weihan, we walked into CHC compounds, not knowing that i'll be experiencing God's power, first hand.

Pastor Mike called out for me, and i took 10 minutes to turn up.

its really amazing how Pastor Mike pin-pointed me out. the exact location of my seat and my problems. no other person, cept God could do that=)

it was really scary when Pastor Mike started calling me in the beginning. REALLY scary. i was seated ALL the way at the back of the auditorium and when i walked ALL the way to the front, every pair of eyes were STARING at me.

not forgetting those who were watching online, probably millions.

somehow, most of my friends were seated at the sides and attended that service. so i had LOADS of encouragement after service. somehow~ i bumped into them at the lobby and 1 by 1, they all said that they are proud of me~ loLz..

it really isn't something to be proud of. anyway, i told myself that God answered my prayers and i should be happy =)

Emerge Conference - this is probably the highlight of 2004. loads of dreams and visions burst into my spiritually life and each time i prayed, these dreams and visions kept coming back. everything was so real.

one of the visions i saw was - myself, in suit, serving God in Security.

some other visions, in brief -

myself, leading a cellgroup. then, it grew to a stadium and i was standing behind a pulpit. gave the altarcall and thousands responded.

leading a group of super excited and on fire youths in my cellgroup.

becoming a pastor in CHC.

to serve God all my life, impact lives, change lives and preach the gospel to the ends of the earth.

not forgetting Parade Of Schools, where i met many other CHC-NP friends. really nice memories and great friends i've made there=) its still amazing how we all glued in such a short time and even more amazing how my friends had impacted me to rise up.

i guess these are the events that left a deep mark in my life...

-

sometimes i feel that God is really preparing me for something great=X i'm really not trying to boast and i know that God can change the tables anytime He likes. but this is what i realised...

since i was an infant, i was put in a church. if i wasn't wrong, its st joseph. well, though its just a day care centre, i'm sure that was the beginning of everything for me.

in primary school, my friends, who were christians, kept telling me about the gospel, told me that evolution IS a total BULLSHIT and Jesus Christ is our Lord. of course i didn't understand back then, but i've always listened to them, wondering why my parents don't go church, but a temple.

day 1 of secondary school, this sister came up to me and asked me to join their church activities. my mom agreed and allowed me to go. over there, we played games and learnt about the gospel. but i went only for a few times as i was alone there.

even a basketball team that i joined belongs to a church~ lolz=)

then, charmaine came into my life when i was in sec 4. she did the same like any other christian friends would do. she shared the gospel, invited me to church. i took 2 years to accept Christ into my life=)

these 20 years, i may not have seen much. but i've always felt extremely blessed.

i've really made choices in my life that really determines if i'll be in the light or dark. it seems that there's always a voice inside me, telling me do always do good and there's a God.

there's always a voice, reminding me that my outward attitude will determine my altitude and there's always this voice inside me, telling me to keep quiet when i should be.

when i stepped into CHC for the first time in year 2000. i felt like as if i'm at home. though the people around me were speaking in tongues, i didn't really feel uncomfortable and the presence of God filled me up. its really a wonderful feeling.

the messages that i listened to always prepared me for something that is to come. sometimes, my friends would be discouraged in that area we just learnt and i'm able to encourage them by sharing what i learnt.

sometimes its on a personal level and it would bring me through the most difficult times of the year.

i've been through times when i totally do not know whats going on, but God's discernment came upon me and i begin to discern, sharing with my friend what God had just shown me about his/her situation.

dreams and visions filled me up and i worked towards them.

-

now that the year is drawing to an end. new resolutions, dreams and visions will resurface but there's one thing that will continue to burn stronger.

my passion for Christ.

woopiEe dEe dOo~

i've changed phones, numbers guys!!

but, you still can contact me with the old number=) the difference is that just when i call you, or message you, its my new number showing. so it might be a little confusing if you don't update the numbers.

anyway, watched the heart's charity show earlier and there was a part when taukif sang "an jing" i felt that he sang it way better then how sly sang it! ahhaz=P

the stunts were pretty interesting too~ tay ping hui balancing with heels and 3 guys dancing with heels too~ loads of jumpy action by vincent ng and gang and super old people singing super old songs=P

was exploring my phone earlier and its pretty user friendly~ i had my doubts before buying the phone because some of my friends told me that its not user friendly. tried out the settings, messages, tones and realised that its actually quite user friendly. minus the fact of pressing the wrong button occasionally cause i'm used to the nokia settings~

anyway, nothing to blog today~

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
From the bottom of my heart

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero ano y felicidad

this song can go on forever~ lolz=)

-

Christmas service day 2 @ indoor!

reached indoor stadium super early, 8.15am, as i never expected the bus ride to be so smooth. thank God i was able to help out with the logistics and did stuffs like coms check and checking of sets.

assigned a new position today! did ranger today and its my first time doing ranger in indoor stadium~ in the beginning, i thought we would be walking around indoor stadium, watching out for weird people or stuffs. but i was totally wrong! lolz=P

merely stood at the north entrance, screened the people and assisted the ushers. from then on, i was at the north side of the stadium, enjoying the presence of God.

got the chance to talk to sally!! probably one of the prettiest ushers around, in my opinion=X well, her pen ran out of ink and she asked me if i had a pen. i kind of lost my cool when i started searching for my pen, super uncooly=/ sheesh~

but i managed to find my pen, in my pocket when i was digging for it in my jacket. hAhz=P

passed the pen to a amused girl and i was tryin not to look at her~ lolz=P

i guess my pen ink was a little faded. stupid g-tech...

soon, she returned me my pen and tried to use her old pen again. it was successful, but ran out afterwards again. so this time, as cool as i could, i passed her my pen and told her to use it~ lolz!

heh~ next time when i meet her in church, can "ask" if she needs a pen=P lolx~

anyway, we got dismissed early today, again. really feels kinda weird after serving at the Celebration By The Bay service few months back. we were held back for nearly 2-3 hours~ this time, after most of the congregation has left, we would have de-brief and we can all pack our bags and leave~

walked out with kevin and met sharon's cellgroup along the way.

i'm offically sharon's part-time cellgroup member! LOLz! its just a joke~ we went to suntec, hopin to get a table at the foodcourt, but left cause there was totally no seats available. so we walked to millenia, hopin that there would be space.

to our horror, the foodcourt there is closed!

edwin happily suggested marina square and off we went.

we didn't go marina square though, but ended up at long john's in millenia. much to edwin's disappointment though~ hahaz=P

over at LJS, edwin and i were guessing the age of the girl at the counter. then edwin asked yishen and yishen did the most unbelievable thing.

he actually told the girl that we want to know her age~ mAnz!!

she was so paiseh that she didn't reply and started blushin! aHhaz=P then when she served me, she kept controling her smile and made very little eye contact with me. but when she served edwin, she blushed and even gave him the wrong drink, causing her to blush more~ loLz=P

super funny~ we kept making fun of yishen as his fish was the biggest among us~

after serving us, the girl hid in the kitchen and never came out! she came out only after we left LJS 2 hours later? i think we made her develop a phobia for guys already=P HAhaz=P

so tired~ but its christmas!! i want to do something that i seldom do. i'll be going to my cousin's place to celebrate christmas with them!! its been a LONGLONG time since i last did that and i'm not expecting any prezzies=) there are loads of kids who would be very happy tonight, but i know that i'll be filled with joy too~

because the joy of the Lord is my strength!! woopiEe dEe dOo!!

what a blast!!!!

first off, i couldn't sleep last night. for some reasons, i was kept awake and i hardly slept the entire night.

off to church at 8am for the children church Christmas party!! supported both services and it was fun! kids were running all over the place and it was really challenging trying to control them and make sure that they are not lost.

there were parents who were super demanding, insisted that they sit with their child even after assuring that their child wouldn't wander off. i remember 1 brother who kept telling me that there are many parents around and insisted on staying.

so i approached other parents and they gladly left their seats... i wonder how that brother felt, alone with all the kids around him. worst part was that i told him nicely that the seats are for the children, he replied by sayin that it doesn't make a difference if he's seated with the kids or with the adults. sheesh.

anyway, after children church services, it was a mad rush down to indoor stadium for our main english Christmas service.

it was greatTttTtt!

i was assigned to the north entrance and it was crazy~ the flow of the people was endless and it didnt cease until the doors were closed outside.

the drama team did a great job again, as usual, and this time the story's really kinda touching. it narrated about a guy who was often bullied, made fun of. but he never knew that God would used him in such a great way! his manger was used for the delivery of Jesus Christ! the Savior of the World=)

as the crowd dispersed, i saw loads of my friends...

VERON! this girl here wanted to hug me, but not allowed! hAaz! anyway, had a great time chatting with you~ its been a long time since we chatted and you've never changed manz~ still a great listener=)

sarah or lynn, either one of the two lah! heh. she saw me 2 times, and both times, she asked for sweets. she was holding a present and i thought that she's giving me that gift~ almost snatched it away from her hands~ lolz=P

venetia! her favourite line when she sees me - MUST catch up with you ah!

xiaojia! my cellgroup leader~ haven been "around" with the cellgroup for a very long time. so a chat once in a while is really "healthy" =)

and many other people like charmaine and melanie who walked past, screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

its the first time the security personnals are allowed to leave so early~

went off with cheeweng after searching for his bag and met up with sharon and her cellgroup. we headed to town for a late bite and off towards town we walked.

it was a crazy scene. almost like hell broke lose?

people were spraying foam at each other and there was really lawlessness. we heard sisters getting molested and as much as we could, the brothers formed a circle around the sisters and "protected" them.

we finally made it to the orchard park for the countdown and we managed to survive most of the foam attacks that were directed at us. thanks to edwin, who always seems to be able to block or take most of the foams himself=P

13 people squeezed into sharon's car afterwards and i was the last person to get off the car~ lolz. it took us 2 hours to reach home, sending various people to their homes or somewhere near where they could walk or take a cab back.

kinda tirish day, but i never expected my christmas eve to be so fun.

i just remembered something really funny.

while i was waitin for the bus, felix's cellgroup members spotted me and they all started to talk to me. then, cameras were whipped out and we started taking photos~ loLz=P it was really funny as they were listing the "type" of people that can take the picture and its usually only NP students=P

received a gift from ray too~ a piece of white chocolate!! it's really very tasty, but too bad its a small piece~

i wonder how would the pictures turn out manz... =P

anyway, its so late... gotta report at indoor stadium at 8.45am...

once again, Merry Xmas!!

received something really beautiful from dr lee last night~

its a precious moments figurine and its called Onward Christian Soldiers. its the 523th piece on earth and its no longer in production. so its pretty rare? and costly~

last night, before i slept, i was wondering how much a piece of figurine would cost. if its affordable, i wouldn't mind buying 1 or 2 pieces every week so that by the end of the year, i would have 52 or 104 pieces of precious moments figurines.

thinking a little further. when i've my own house, i'll be able to decorate my place with precious moments figurines! - just like my sister's place~ LOLx!

anyway, its really nice and there's themes. so when figurines of similar themes are put together, they form a "story" and its really beautiful~

didn't get to see their room, but i saw the pictures. if i'm able to steal bandwidth, i'll post the pictures up here too~ hEhheHz=P i was really fasinated by the amount of precious moments figurines and my sister said that there's still boxes of figurines left. due to lack of space... my room has loads of space=D=D

anyway, who's able to resist precious moments figurines? they are so cute!!

it almost seems that the figurines are totally out of production. i don't seem to remember seeing them in precious thots~ hMm...

anyway, i'll go check things out~ =D

so, is there anyone who wants to invest in this business with me? =)

i thought i was late for class, but i never expected my lecturer to be later then me~ hAhaz!!

thank God!! 2 minutes after i stepped into class, she rushed in and said that she's late. (kinda duh'ish, but thank God!)

i'm kinda getting aimed at in starting a business class~ argh~~ but it isn't bad to the extend of bias, but the lecturer is asking me cheem questions that i do not have any idea. so, i gave him absolute rubbish answers. which, he replied with absolute rubbish too~ HAhaz=P

well, i still like that lecturer, he's pretty nice=)

travelled down to great way and i slept on the bus. thank God when i opened my eyes and looked towards my right, i saw great way. quickly sat up and dashed down the bus~ thank God my legs wasn't caught=X

stepped in and wondered where was precious thots. didn't have to look far and i found it in 30 seconds. stepped in and looked for christmas cards and found it in 1 minute. selected the cards and paid within 3 minutes.

i was done shopping within 4 minutes and 30 seconds!! not even 5 minutes!!

headed down to mcdonalds and i had a sudden craving for 6 minutes fried fries. told the saleslady about it and she told me that its not available over there. sheesh~~ i guess she doesn't understand how the fryer works~ hAaz=P

headed home, bought 2 cups of honey dew sago.

kinda bad today~ there's SO many chunks of ice inside that are not grinded!!! argHhz!! and i had to remind the auntie to add pearls and i'm getting 2 cups~ sheeEeShhHhHhHh... anyway, i wonder where all the "experienced" aunties went~ haven seen them lately~

finished writing close to 20 xmas cards? and there's still a number of people who have yet given me their addresses~ i still got loads of xmas cards left!!

xmas cards for sale~~ one for 2 bucks~~ while stocks last =)

merry xmas! hohoho!

guess who's back
back again
joel's back
tell a friend~

unknowingly, i stared at my timetable and started planning gym sessions. i wanted to shift 2 hours of SA to wednesday so that my mondays would end at 1pm and i have the rest of the afternoon to work out.

tuesday are generally free after 12pm, i start school at 2pm on wednesday and 12pm on friday.

but if i shift SA to wednesday, it means that my wednesday would start at 10am and i would have a 2 hour break. but if i managed to convince my PM's lecturer to conduct tutorial on wedneday, i would only have 1 hour break and most of all, my fridays would start only at 2pm.

and it would mean my wednesday would start at 1pm, if i don't change my SA slot.

hahaZz~ am i making sense? its really kinda confusing, but if you play around with my timetable, you would understand =)

so currently, i'll be attending gym sessions on tuesday afternoons, wednesday mornings and friday mornings. most probably i'll be starting tomorrow? thats if i'm able to purchase 30 xmas cards, in a package. any lobangs, anyone?

ah. not forgetting saturday, the only day that i'm totally free~ perhaps thats my sabbath day, so i'll just rest on that day =P well, i'll just see how things go at the moment~

when i was planning my gym workouts, i was thinking of getting protein powder too. a HUGE box of protein would cost 130+ and its supposed to do wonders to my body, at the same time, harming my liver.

i wish they had height enhancing powder too~ heh.

back to protein. well, its supposed to be good for muscle building and i've seen edwin turn into muscleman from flabby.

btw, edwin's that ah beng from The Champions~ heh.

back to protein, again. it tastes and smells horrible even though there's different favours available. looks like heroin too~ hAhaz! but it doesn't harm my body as much as heroin does.

jolted back into the reality of class.

i was practically freezing in class and my nose nearly dropped off. started to message tons of people, asking them for their addresses so that i can send them a xmas card, or deliver a small little gift on xmas day, thats if i'm still dateless.

counted my stash in my sash and its pathetic.

God? where's my hundredfolds? thousands?

anyway, it isn't really nice to ask friends for their addresses and not sending them something. so i by hook or by crook, i've to get them something.

that reminded me of some really interesting friends that i have=)

felix's rather cute. i messaged him for his address and he thought that i was playing a prank on him, early morning. loLz=)

kim decided to sms-chat with me and it kept me awake in class~

adelia suddenly replied and told me she saw olinda. but i replied rather half-heartedly~ was in the middle of a deep discussion regardin our case study and if she met daphney, then i would be very excited~

had a very brief catchup with nix~

its been a long time since i last chatted with them and its nice catching up with a number of them... =)

its sunday~~ -hums- and what does that mean?!

YES!! CHURCH!! HAhaz=)

the difference is that i woke up later today and made my way down to church, without rush. i could have taken the church bus, but it doesnt make a difference as i've bought bus pass for my school usage. so it was long ride to jurong west.

met up with charmaine at the cafe and was entertained by 3 kiddos from Sharon's cellgroup. Jireh seems so guai suddenly...

went down to queue at the stairs. its been a long time since i last did that, and i mentioned that if i bought my pass, i wouldn't have to do that~ lolz=P

finally got into the auditorium and promptly, we saw xiaojia~ she managed to book seats for us, but it wasn't enough. i guess some of her seats got snatched away. but that wasn't a really huge problem as the other members just had to sit at the row below us. no difference=)

Sy Rogers preached!! woAh.. though it wasn't really a sermon, but it was all about his experience. i was really encouraged by the LOVE of God that was shown through Sy Roger's experiences.

a little history about the great man of God. he used to be a homosexual and almost went for sex change. but he realised that even after a sex change nothing would change the past. back in his mind, he knew that he's a male.

i don't want to continue anymore=P

after service, my cellgroup went for fellowship~ its been eons since i last fellowshipped with the members and i'm glad i was there today~ though i didn't talk much, i helped much=) hAhaz~

went off with charmaine to meet sharon's cellgroup members - kimberly, edwin, the 3 kiddos, jireh and a few more whose name i don't know.

i bought jireh a mirror!! that lil boy is getting really vain and he bought himself 3 combs!! asked if he needs a mirror and he nodded. but when he saw the price of a mirror that he liked, he said that he doesn't have enough money.

so i bought that piece of mirror for him~ lol=P

soon only kimberly, edwin, charmaine and me remained~ walked around JP, saw some stupid hero characters fly around and stoned at mos burger. waited for sharon until 6.30, when she finally called~ HAhaz=P

actually, i wasn't supposed to meet sharon, but i tagged along~ so when sharon saw me, she was extremely shocked~ then she asked me to go woodlands with them~ couldn't ask much cause there were cars and i got rushed into the car~

so, i was kidnapped.

off we went to woodlands and sharon collected her shoes, then off we went to jurong east, edwin's place, where he prepared dinner for us~

it was a simple dinner, but a filling one. there were eggs, greens, crabsticks!! and some other stufs=P watched tv while eating and slowly, sharon and charmaine fell asleep on the sofa~

time past, really fast.

then sharon started playing the guitar. hmm, played songs and i sang along, edwin played along on the piano~ it was kinda uplifting, very relaxed atmosphere~

i didn't know what happened to me afterwards and i started saying the wrong words. not vulgars, but words that had totally no meaning.

1 example would be - umbrella.

i wanted to say the umbrella cover is out, but i said rainbow.

that wasn't the only time. there were numeral times when i caught myself saying rubbish...

i wonder whats wrong with my mind, or tongue. perhaps i'm just exhausted.

after watching love actually, i feel so much better?

during the show, i fell in love with...

Keira Knightley, again!! she's just unbelievable. super pretty. super super super super super pretty... i mean like... she's SO PRETTY!!!!

Martine McCutcheon!! she's super attractive...prolly its her eyes~

and prolly Huge Grant. i ain't no gay, but he's super attractive too...

ah. not forgetting Joanna!! who's actually Olivia Olson. prolly the younger sister of the Olsen twins? she sang the song - All I Want For Christmas Is You~~ she's cute=)

Liam Neeson's super cool~ teaching and encouraging his son to go after his only love...

i can't believe that i actually missed this show years back, but the timing isn't bad to watch right now~

its CHRISTMAS!! and i'm FINALLY GETTING THE XMAS MOOD!!

HAhahaZz!! prolly the show infected me with all the love and the sweetness of it~

oh yeah.. not forgetting Jamie who went to learn another language, looked for Aurelia and married her...

the show prolly just showed what pure love could do and what lust could do. well, the show wasn't entirely about couples loving each other, but there was an incident of an adultery and a brit who went to america just for sex. hahaZz~~

its really nicely done and it really inspired me.

love can be so complicating.

it maybe straight in front of you, but you don't realise it till you lose it.

you often realise that when that special someone is leaving and it feels like something have been ripped out of your heart.

so if your reading my blog, and you realised that you lost your love... give that person a call, or just drop a message to find out how is he/her... very often, you would realise that he/she is waiting for your message or he/she is just shy to message you...

don't hesitate, its Christmas.

i really liked the part when Andrew Lincoln, Mark in the show, went to look for Kiera Knightley and using cardboards, he told her that she's the perfect girl in his eyes.

i wished that i was that guy=P hAhaz!

i'm really unable to narrate the sweetness of the entire show..

so PLEASE watch it.

i wouldn't mind burning copies of it and sharing it with you~ =)

love you~

pure crap.

im feeling so drained out.

mentally.

physically.

spiritually.

i can't think of any word to describe myself now.

i just want to sleep.

i just want to stand back, and look at things passing me by.

see where do i stand.

i just want to run.

and never stop.

i stare transfixed at something.

but nothing's in my mind.

i feel myself screaming and bursting inside.

but all's calm on the outside.

i really wonder whats on my mind.

i realised that i left out a very important category.

friends!

after being separated from my former classmates in F03, 2 malay girls from F04 started to befriend me~ i was really touched, once, when both of them waited for me so that we can start eating together. i really had no idea that they were waitin for me and i remembered taking a VERY long time to choose what to eat.

times when we're stuck in the canteen, they would talk to me and keep me entertained. nice girls, whom time to time kept me out of trouble=P

no worries, i won't be getting a malay gf=) i really prefer a chinese girl... lolz

not forgetting my former classmates. whenever we had combined lectures, we would sit together and they would ask how is my class. often, they forced me to change classes, but i didnt as its impossible to change at the third week of school.

besides that, they would ask if i'm still sleeping in class and if i understand the lessons~ their encouragements may come like suans, but i know that they care=) i think...

friends, a general term, have been part of my process of growing up. i'm glad i wasn't restricted in making friends when i was younger and i'm even glad that i wasn't influenced by the bad company that once "took care" of me when i was in sec 1.

knowing the bigshots in school made me pretty fearful too~ hahaZz=P but i never abused it. it was really a great experience knowing them as they would often remind me NOT to join gangs or secert societies. they "took care" of me because they didn't want me to be led astray and they would often tell me whats good and whats bad.

of cause they said smoking is bad=)

though i'm not in contact with them now; lost contact, but when we meet each other on the streets, its never scary. they would chat with me like a long lost friend, just to catch up on each other lives.

basketball pals. once i start, i'll prolly never stop...

this group of friends are seldom mentioned here because we've and we're still in contact after 9 long years. we're still playing at the same place we played 9 years ago and though there were frictions, the long years have erased the bad memories.

i still remember, 9 years ago, i was the hot-tempered boy who constantly wants the ball. whenever i'm in a bad mood, my scoring chances are higher. so when hermzie n guys notice that i'm angry, they got no choice but to pass the ball to me cause i'll be shouting for the ball =P

then when i was in sec 2, i went missing in action for a year because i was lazy to play basketball. somehow, herman managed to find me in IRC and dragged me down to play basketball. though it was really hard to catch up with them, they never excluded me from playing with them.

time flew and we had really great times together.

dec 31, a particular year - a group of us, herman, weilun, carmen, junlin, junjiang and some others who i can't remember went to play pool at bukit timah. it was a not-really-planned-for-my-birthday birthday, but we all had fun.

there was a lucky draw and our table won!! i received the prize and to our relief, its 1 year membership free!! the best part was that there was 8 hours free and we could use it immediately. so on that day, we played 8 hours of pool, free.

it was super late when we finally finished, and we started walking back home. it was a great experience walking back with them as we got chased by dogs and we explored around junkai's house; which is huge.

the countless of times when we entered 3 on 3 basketball tournaments. we would be always praying and wishing that we wouldn't meet players that we know or players who have experience. seems that we would ALWAYS encounter friends and players who are so experienced. lolz=)

one of my best personal glories - i managed to block ronglie's shot!! anyway, nothing much to rave about because he wasn't even jumping when he took that shot. LOL!

more recently, i haven been playing basketball because of work, school and church. times when i really feel like playing basketball, i would message the gang and if the weather permits, everyone would be playing together.

this kind of feeling is really great. everyone getting together just to play some basketball, seriously or fooling around.

definitely, there's still conflicts and internal arguments. but we're still a pretty sounding team thats well heard around bukit panjang. sometimes i ain't sure if i'm fit to be named with them, but watching them play now, i understand why they are famous=)

the lineup - Herman, Weilun, Zongxian, Junjiang, Junlin, Binghan, Terrance, Aloy, Jiawei and Ronald.

i guess i've missed out a number of names, but these are the players who shone during their recent tournament or are constantly playing great basketball when we're together.

i do not want to take everyone for granted because friends are hard to come by.

moving a step higher, close friends.

there isn't much people in this section, but the obvious names would be natalie and charmaine. both girls have really caused me to changed a lot in my character.

charmaine - this lil girl, with a fiery temper, made me promised not to curse or swear or use any other words to replace the swear words. if i were to commit that mistake, i owe her 50 cents. well, its a lot back then cause every single word that i say would be screened carefully~ lolz=P

charmaine's also the one that bought me to church (jie, tell mom this!! LOLX!!) she called me up EVERYDAY and started whining on the phone, sometimes using brutal force to make me go church on the first Christmas Service at jurong west.

when i finally agreed, she was SO happy. so was i. though i didn't respond to the altar call, she never gave up. during BIG days, she would call me up and using the excuse, "i'm performing ley!! must support!!" i would attend the service.

i guess she was extremely shocked when i messaged her last year and told her i want to go for services with her, and this time, i'll be staying~ lolz=P

now to natalie. this girl watched the growth of me~ she took care of me when i was sick, paid for the medical bills when i had gastric flu and started puking all over the place. whenever i needed help or encouragement, she would be there listening to my complains or cries. likewise, when she needs help, i'll be there listening too =)

one of the my most difficult times was spent with her and everyday, she would check on me just to make sure that i'm fine.

but with these 2 close friends, nothing beats having a girl-friend. loLz~!!

i AIN'T ATTACHED!! so STOP whatever you are thinking now.

definitely, having a girlfriend is great. someone to share your vision with, your dreams, secerts and love. someone whom you know would be there for you and someone who really cares for you. not forgetting someone who loves you. someone who would always be standing by my side, in this long journey of mine=)

together, we reach the destination. but its the journey that matters.

being loved is a great feeling, but i want to give that feeling to that special someone too.

i've put my past behind me and i'm lookin forward to the great future God given me...

anyone who wants to share this journey with me?

i've decided to...

praise God no matter what happens... ultimately, God is first in my life and there's no one else who can replace Him.

Pastor John Avanzini said - "Jesus I Believe in You, Jesus I Belong to You"

the 2 phrases is part of a song, "With All I Am", a song that we sing almost everyweek. Pastor John Avanzini repeated these phrases out and said that it will never mean the same again.

i'm starting to understand what he means...

Jesus I Believe in You, Jesus I Belong to You.

believing in Jesus needs faith, and only faith. faith work miracles and only faith pleases God. faith is something that isn't there, but its there. you have faith in God, because God, Himself, work by faith and the Holy Spirit is God. so, we HAVE the faith of God.

we belong to Jesus. He paid the price for our sins and bought us with a cost - His blood. so, everything on us belongs to Him. we're His stewards and we ought to look after this body that He has given us.

so, since we belong to Jesus, we ought to obey Him and fulfill the tasks He assigned to us. our calling, ministry or cellgroup is one of the many ways where we can serve God and please Him.

my calling - i've dreams and visions of being a preacher, preaching in great crowds and when the altar call is given, i see thousands of hands in the air, and thousands making their way down to the front.

i've always been very emotional during altar calls and when i see many hands in the air, i would cry out in joy, thanking God for such a great salvation in their lives. i've no idea why i do that, but there was once, during children church, the ENTIRE auditorium was filled with kids and when they all raised their hands, i started to tear...

perhaps thats my calling...

my ministry - security. a ministry where i'm supposed to grow to become a man of God. steadfast, decisive and consistant.

i really want to be a man of God. to be a great pillar of strength and a leader that people would look up to. a leader that leads by example and brings the team from point A to point B. a leader that is able to encourage, listen and bless his friends, cg members or anyone...

my cellgroup - its been 1 year 2 months i've been with the cellgroup. there has been changes and challenges. learning to accept one another was one of the challenge placed in front of me. rising up was definiately a great challenge for me.

i wasn't really discipled but went through loads of talk with venetia, my former CGL. if i had to chose someone whom i look up to, its only venetia.

she has certainly inspired me to grow and rise up in the CG. her patience and undying love really touched me and i never felt uncomfortable with her. whenever i feel troubled or stuck, she would talk to me even without me telling her about it.

things has certainly changed in the cellgroup. i've been given loads of responsibilties. i'm giving bible studies to 2 boys. i've been teaching them, but recently there were too many things on and because of my school ending late on fridays, i'm unable to give them bible studies.

it has been really frustrating because they want to know more, but i'm unable to provide. days can be changed, locations can be arranged. but it needs to be properly done and ensured that its able to last the distance. i wouldn't want a repeat of history when their school starts next year...

last year december, i was just a 18 year old boy who just got into polytechnic and received Christ into his heart. one year on, i'm 19 years old and thinking back, 1 year has really felt so long... i felt that i did so much in 1 year for God, myself and others...

definitely there were some who would disagree with me, but as much as i can, i will help everyone that crossed my path. people that God placed in my life as well as my family members...

i don't know who reads this blog, but if you read all the way to this very end, i thank you from the bottom of my heart...

thank you for carrying my vision with me, thank you for supporting me silently, thank you for critising me and most of all, thank you for reading this diary of mine...

tuesday!! its IS day!!

its my 1st lesson with my IS classmates, whom i didn't know. so my first friend is someone really special. he's hearing impared and i've seen him in one of my classes~ he was there for make up class and desmond wee, our lecturer that time, used sign language to communicate with him.

he taught me 4 sign languages too!! a, b, c and hello~ hahaZz~ so i can say hello to him the next time i see him in school =D

well, we're in the same modules for 4 hours, Human Communication and Starting A Business. in human communication, he doesnt seem to have made much friends there, so i was there writing to him whatever the lecturer was talking about, and learning more about him.

he's a Christian too! from FCBC and he's serving in the deaf ministry in the church~

when we were told to share something with each other, by the lectuerer, i shared that he's a very positive and friendly person.

off to the next class we went, and it was taught by a business man from somewhere else. a former student of NP. his class is kinda boring as he kept sharing his experiences in vietnam and soon afterwards, it got really kinda boring~

fell asleep and when i woke up, he asked if i watched soccer last night~ sheesh.

well, first time in IS class wasn't that bad, cept the fact that i was freezing in class, even though it was a SUPER hot day...

woohoo! school starts at 1 pm tomorrow!! party!!=X

this is a monday that i will never forget...

what a fun-packed-squeezed-into-1 day- day!!!!!

i wonder what does that title mean, but anyway, its a great day!! =D

today is sunday!!! sabbath day, which means the Lord's day, and i was serving in church!! its great to serve in church and His people!

well, i was really hoping and praying that i would get to listen to Rev Dr. John Avanzini's message at service 4. so when i got the duty plan, i was really VERY happy to see my name printed at AB3 position~ i knew that i'm in for a great time and i WILL receive A BLESSING from God=D

Brother John, commonly known, really preached a SUPER strong message and he even prophesied over our church!! he shared several testimonys about himself and i was totally awestuck~

he said that he just received a merc CLK and he has yet to see the car!! most of all, he said that he can now write a 6 million cheque and it wouldn't bounce. best of all, people are still BLESSING HIM WITH MONEY!!

the critical point of our faith, is NOT during the manifestation, but BEFORE the manifestionation. Brother John showed us LOADS of bibical examples of people with GREAT faith even though the situation was an disadvantage to them.

they stood FIRM on God's promise and when the devil tried to attack them, they didnt' fall, but stood firm on His word and claim authority! woah!!

believing totally in God and belonging to Him.

i was a ranger in service 5. got to use Elite1's set and its really cool. when you put on the ear piece, your hearing gets cut into half~ lolz=P

service 6!! Pastor Kong was preaching and i was at AB2a position~ 1 of the best seats in town~ loLz=P Pastor Kong was preaching about dreams, and its almost the same as the one that he preached during Emerge conference, but this time, its a little different.

during emerge, for me, it was the beginning of the dream. but for now, its the strengthing of the dream that God have given me~

in 1 day, i sat through 2 services, listened to 2 great Pastors teaching God's word~ felt really challenged and really, the joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH!!

i guess i can just go on forever, describing about this and that, but nothing beats having experiencing it myself=)

in a blink of an eye, its friday.

its been 5 days i've been with the new class and things hasn't changed much~ i'm still rather alone, when my friend decides to go somewhere else.

well, i could have followed them around, but it would be rather weird as they are communicating in malay, a language that i totally don't understand~

so, class have been really kinda boring, in fact. but the positive thing is that i've been paying a little more attention in class, even though its december, and trying my best to understand every single thingy the lecturer is talking about.

perhaps its just the boredom in class that's causing all these concentration. heh.

i've a great temptation to format my laptop and get rid of all the unwanted programs NP installed in it. its taking up SO much space and after installing SO much more programs, my computer is getting slower!! its so irratating!!

but if i were to format, i would lose a great deal of stuffs unless i bother to backup the files that i need~ heh. and reprogram everything... mAnz!! its a super huge problematic problem!

did followup with 1 of the new friends that came last night and i was shocked to find out something.

she ran away from home.

well, i was really very shocked cause she looks really guai on the outside, but i never expected that she ran away from home. but after listening to her explaination, i realised that its her parents that sort of forced her out of the house.

well, if i wasn't wrong, its abusive parents and they chased her out of the house.

she's ONLY 13 years old, and she's already thinking of working just to support herself. then when she's old enough to rent a place, she would rent a place and live on her own. i was shocked by her thinking and even more shocked that she actually planned her "future" out already~

this kinda sparked me thinking.

parents not bothering about their children even after they disappeared for 1 week!! and worst of all, abusing their kids and forcing them to do stuffs that they don't want to.

i really wonder what did her parents did to her, but there were times when i felt that she had over reacted.

tried to encourage her to call home, at least to tell her parents that she's safe, but she didn't even considered the option. she said that her parents wouldn't even bother about her. i was kinda sad for her, but i just kept insisting that she should at least call home and inform her parents.

i had to hang up cause my class was starting.

after school, i called her friend and checked on her. her friend told me that the police called her house and asked if that girl was in her place. then, they got called down to the NPC and after some questioning, everything was back to normal.

the girl that ran away went home, the girl that housed the ran-away girl is safe.

thank God for grace and protection upon 2 girls... and also thank God for a particular person who gave me an advice that i should have done earlier...

back from church on a thursday.

school today was rather slackish~ even though i only had 1 hour 30 mins of sleep, i managed to stay awake throughout the day.

throughout the day, my phone wouldn't stop beeping. i was mass messaging cellgroup members, friends and school friends that i would be meeting afterwards~ its so tiring.

sometimes i wonder why there isn't anyone willing to step out, into the gap, and out of their comfort zone. would it kill you if you had to step out to fill the gap? i guess not.

we shouldn't be passive, but we SHOULD go ALL out and GRAB hold of God's promises with FAITH! we shouldn't sit there and wait for God's blessing to fall from Heaven, but we SHOULD REACH OUT and grab hold of God's blessings!!

why?

because ONLY FAITH PLEASES GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

and faith is a kind of ATTITUDE, confidence in the promises of God.

day three of school~

i'll be looking forward to every wedneday as thats the only day when i can meet my former classmates for 3 straight hours of boring lectures~

bible studies on faith(part2) today!! woah! Brother Jimmy preached and it was really encouraging. he shared his testimonys and experiences regarding faith that really spurred me to work harder for the Kingdom of God.

reaching out to grab hold of God's promises and blessings, instead of waiting for them to drop from heaven, is something that i want to practise now!!

rushed back to bukit timah, vera's house, for the NP Elites gathering. well, due to miscommunication, the venue has changed to NP campus, but i wasn't informed. so it was a long walk from vera's house to NP.

finally got to meet up with everyone in school and there was nearly 20 people~ not bad for a start and best of all, there were new faces!! =D though i didn't really introduce myself~ loLz=P

most of the time was spent chatting with felix, bernard and aaron regarding ministries and rubbish~ loLz=P

when Brother Alvin did the NP cheer, it bought back SOOOO many memories~ well, its really kinda fun, sweet, mixed with sadness~ but, its great fun and experience!!

school has started and its been pretty fine, so far.

i've been posted to another class, 2F04 for a particular reason that i don't know. well, in a sense, i'm starting to pay attention more in class as i know that my former classmates are now in another class and i can't always depend on them.

well, actually... my sleeping kakis are in other classes~ LOLX!!

went for prayer meeting last night at Church. couldn't really focus in the beginning but slowly and steady, i managed to get rid of unwanted thoughts in my mind and focus on God.

its been a long time since i went for prayer meeting and thank God i remembered to buy mineral water~ as we grouped into pairs to pray, i was practically shouting at the top of my voice just to barely hear myself. many times, i thought that my throat would EXPLODE and i'll lose my voice forever~ lolz=P

but God is a good God, He protected my throat and i still got my beautiful melodious voice~ hEhz=X

bought a book at attributes.

as i waited for deora, i walked into attributes and browsed the books. i saw one of Rev Pastor Ulf Ekman's book. its entited The Spiritual Leader. usually, i would just skim through the book and replace it. but i felt a very strong sense of belonging to that book, almost as if it was mine.

without hesitating, i bought the book~

read 1 chapter of the book and the first chapter alone has already pointed out some of the common mistakes / thoughts i've made regarding leadership.

well, its 12pm now and i gotta rush off to school!! =/

oh no...

i just received a message from Brother Lennard, indicating that all security personnal must maintain a professional image. so that means that our hairs have to be flat~ no more spikey hairs!! >.<

i guess everyone would sport Pastor Kong's hairstyle~ lolx=D

Sharon (ordered not to call her Sister Sharon) reminded me its december!!!

and, we all know that december is the month of GIVING!! so, let me list my wishlist here=D so by all means, try your VERY best to filfull at least one of them alritez? and i'll remember you for life=D

Joel's Wishlist~

Dear Santa(s),
i've been a VERY GOOD boy this year, and all i want for Christmas ARE :-

1. Calvin Klein Shirts (dark coloured ones, long sleeve, smart formal)
2. Hugo Boss Suits and Pants (black, tailor made preferred)
3. More Clothes for School (T-Shirts, Jeans)
4. Mini iPod (to beat the sleepy bug when travelling to school)
5. More Zeros appearing in my OCBC account (more money lah! to bless others~ -wiNKz-)
6. Handphone (SL65!! woAhhh~)
7. Shoes (Nike preferred~ size 10.5)

thats all i can think of right now, but i'll be constantly updating my wishlist so that you Santa(s) out there can filfull my dreams! =X praise the Lord!!

just to remind you guys of some stuffs~ please DO NOT mix Christmas with my Birthday~ it maybe just days apart, but its a totally different occasion~ so, that makes 2 presents for me this month! praise the Lord!

and i'm serious about this wishlist~ loLx=X

well, back to basics. 2nd part of Bible Studies.

Pastor Kong went full gear and started teaching us how should we deal with antinomianism~ chim word right? it simply means having totally NO regard of ANY LAWS in life. so when that happens, your life is totally chaotic~ you just keep sinning against God, taking His grace for granted.

so, we're taught the true meaning of the verses antinomians would use~ its really kinda complex but thank God for Pastor Kong! he has been working extremely hard over this topic for the past 3 weeks and he has certainly managed to uncover everything that is antinomian.

i was allowed to leave early today by Brother Lennard, feels weird leaving early though, and thank God Sharon was still in church! well, i thought she was taking the church bus back, so i messaged her and asked if the bus has left. but she replied and said that she's driving~ upon knowing that my bus left, i called her and asked if i could hitch a ride back~

praise the Lord~!! she allowed~ =P

but, we ate supper at KSL, sent yichen and hanning back before i was dropped off~

seriously, i don't think i can ever thank Sharon enough for always sending me back~ cause recently, when she sends me back, she has to "visit" the petrol station for a pump of gasoline~ loLz=X

not only that, Sharon usually brings me along for suppers with Charmaine and the rest of the "girl gang" so during that period of time, it was really fun eating out with them till late at night~ not forgetting, once Sharon asked if i wanted to go KBox, and she paid for the bills~

so, i'm quite debted to her~

-points to wishlist- see that cash part? bless others? YEAH! get what i mean? =P

btw, you guys can start giving to me right now=) just message me and i'll be more then happy to receive your gifts=)

God bless and have a GREAT december!! (while i suffer in school... AH-HA! another reason why you should give!)