day started off really bad~

loads of complications and near arguements at home. thank God i managed to "escape" and attend service at 10am=D i had to wake up at 7.15am to bath because the church bus comes at 8.35am.

in the church bus, i was thinking about a serious matter, which i will go into detail later, then i fell asleep=P

opened my eyes, realised that the bus's almost empty. we reached church!! woohoo!!

went down to b4, and i was glad that the "gates" were open~ hee~ saw dorcas, ernest and jessica. they were serving as ushers, and i got a seat beside jessica. well, she dragged me to the seat beside hers, cause i went to service alone~ loLz=P thank God i wasn't alone=)

at first i thought i'm in a youth service, the lights were dimmed and the atmosphere really seemed quite hyped. but, jessica let the cat out of the bag - its an adult service. nontheless, i AM very excited~

fathers' day drama! a simple, short and sweet play about this male who got into NS, and his dad, who's the camp cook, being overprotective. quite a touching show. then we layed hands on the dads that were attending service.

well, jessica said that the Holy Spirit told her to instruct me to lay hands on this particular dad that's standing near us. i felt quite curious, but i noticed that the particular dad doesn't seem to be a Christian or maybe he's a very passive one. the odd thing is that, there were many people standing around him, but only 3 (including me and jessica) were praying for him. weird?

well, im glad we prayed for that dad, cause i noticed a change in his expression when we started singing praise and worship songs.

praise and worship started, and i felt the difference~ LOLz~ perhaps i expected too much, or rather, perhaps i was expecting something i experienced during emerge conference. of cause, the presence wasn't strong compared to emerge conference~ hehz~

Pastor Kong!! MISSIONS!! hAaz=D i really love the way Pastor Kong preaches. aggresive, straight to the point and captivating. when he's joking, he lets his hair down and plays along. but when he's serious, it's something important.

i want to go israel next year!! jie, want to sponser me? =D

he's quite a emotional man too, i feel.

after service, i felt so charged up, back on track and excitingly excited. i just felt like smiling to everyone, telling them that i love them SO much~ haHaz=P of cause i didn't do that, i controlled myself. lolx=P

back onto the bus, i found myself pondering about the same question i had earlier - am i in the right environment?

Pastor Ulk Ekman and Pastor Kong always reminded us to be in the right environment. i used to think that i'm in the right environment, until i experienced great fellowship and instant bonds with friends i made from emerge.

like it or not, we're just a bunch of students who are excited about God, and the revival that WILL happen in NgeeAnn.

my brethens from NgeeAnn; we're trying to meet once everyweek, to catch up and almost everynight we would be online, chatting till the cows come home. this coming tuesday, we would be meeting for a movie outing, followed by fellowship at coffeebean~

can you imagine how sensitive some of them were? 2 sisters chatted with me, and told me that they sense something that's regarding me. the scary part is that i seldom talk to the 2 sisters during the parade of schools trainings. but, they still sensed it immediately when i'm not in "shape"

other then sisters, the brothers were great advisors. jierui, who's younger then me, but i look upon him as a older brother. always there ready with the word of God, encouraging me and supporting me.

recently, bernard revealed to me his "slum" blog. woah, i felt so "unexcited" about God when i read about his "exciteness" for God. sometimes, i wished that i experienced the same stuffs as he did.

it was also during emerge conference, i attended service with bernard. we really went crazy during praise and worship and after service, we would talk about the sermon or how God has blessed us. we were fellowshipping without us knowing.

showing excitement for God is like a fast spreading disease. if the people around you are excited about God, you would naturally be excited about God too. the way you worship him would be different - you worship with a open heart, knowing that there would not be awkward eyes staring at you.

sometimes, fellowship can be extremely sad. sharing of our problems when we're on the way home or when the majority of the people are gone. it is when you begin to share problems, you draw your friends nearer to you then, you feel a stronger bond between each other.

but, it was never boring with them around.

then, i realised that i need brethens like that, forming my "environment" i need brethens who are extremely excited about God, who don't mind going crazy with me even during cellgroup meetings. i've yet experienced cellgroup with bernard though, but the way he says in his blog, it seems really impacting.

day after day, i look forward to service, hoping that this time i would experience a breakthrough - cellgroup, excitement level... everything! week after week, i was disappointed.

except for a this particular week when i spoke to the cellgroup after service. i sensed the fire in them, but we're stuck in our "comfort zones"

same goes for cellgroup meetings.

perhaps i wasn't working hard enough. perhaps i didn't make the effort to build bonds between me and my fellow cellgroup members. there would be many perhaps, but there's 3 perhaps that i'm sure its not a perhaps.

my fire, passion and strength for God.

i'm limited by my own strength, but its God who enpowers me to do greater things for Him. its tiring sometimes, but i try.

my fire cannot be doused by water nor covered by blanket, but it can flicker in danger when i'm "tired" of experiencing "lukewarmness".

my passion for God would eventually die off, when everything seems so lukewarm. like what happened to my passion for scouts, just months back.

i seriously do not want that to happen and im guarding my fire and passion. when i feel that its at a dangerous low level, it means that something is very wrong. it means that i'm in the wrong environment.

running away is always easiler, but staying on demands a lot and you must stay strong. change your cellgroup members 1 at a time and slowly, the others will notice the difference.

a PCGL shared with me this and he was in my shoes in the past. but, the difference was that he's the PCGL, so making changes was a lot easiler.

running away - changing of CGs and service, sounds really exciting at the beginning - new breakthroughs, new friends and new environment. but only God knows what would happen afterwards. i may stay in my comfort zone and never leave it, or best of all, i grow with the CG, and become a CGL eventually.

i feel that i'm at the crossroads. 1 wrong step, thats it.