as i was listening to Randy Vanwarmer - Just When I Needed You Most, endless of thoughts came into my mind. just thinking of sharing a few thoughts here, since i'm pretty bored now.

in fact, i've no idea how should i start.

how does it feel when a girl that you like, likes another guy and tells you about it? she's all excited about it and she fails to realise the sudden change of mood in you. but on the outside, you stay strong and wear a smile on your face. you listen, but with your ears closed.

deep in your heart, theres sadness. yet you refuse to show it. then, the girl goes on to say how she realised that the guy likes her and how did she responded back, saying that she likes him too. in your mind, you imagine two lovebirds - lovey and sweet with exchanges of words.

your heart breaks further.

you get extremely discouraged whenever you think about it. its like a bottomless pit, you just keep falling deeper and deeper into the pit. there's this urge in you to tell the girl that you like her, but this phrase comes into your mind - "you're different mah... we're good friends."

even in your dreams, you see the girl and the other guy together. you wake up, feeling that the dream was too real. emptiness fills the heart and you force yourself back to sleep with the images fresh in your mind, reoccuring.

each night you pray, you talk to God about your feelings to the girl. you pray that the feelings would fade away between the girl and the other guy, but you just can't forget whatever the girl told you about the guy. it seems to have a lasting effect on you and its really affecting you badly.

you may have been taking care and protecting the girl, treating her really sweet and nice, but you wondered why is this happening. she says that they have a lot on common, the guy is sweet, funny and treats her nice. in your heart, you tell yourself that you've been sweet, funny and nice to her too, but why doesn't she realise it. you start to be discouraged again and emptiness sets in, again.

whenever you guys are together, there's lots of laughter and joy, but you know that there's someone else in her heart, and that person is not you. when the phone rings, and you see a smile on her face when she reads a message, your heart sinks.

theres a deep desire to know whats in the message that made her smile so sweetly, but you've no rights to ask. disappointed, you look elsewhere to avoid her sweet smile, to her handphone.

you acted as though nothing happened and kept quiet.

how long more would you go through all these suffering?

would you let her go and give your blessings to them or would you just hold on tightly, hurting yourself more?

to her, your just her good friend, a person whom she trusts and shares her joy with. but to you, she's more then just a good friend. she has been your encourager, motivator and a special friend. would it be difficult to let go of such a wonderful person that made a difference in your life?

memories come back repeatingly, and there's a certain incident that you fondly remember in your heart. how you wished that you could turn back time and things would not be the way it is now. it seems that she has forgotten some of the sweet moments you guys had together, but you still hold onto them, because they mean something to you.

and, the sweet moment you hold on tightly is when she admitted her feelings for you.

is it all too late...?