thoughts.

my mom told me that my grandmother looked bad in the afternoon and it seems that she has a little difficulty breathing. so, they started calling all their brothers, sisters, grandchildren? and people whom my grandmother wanted to see, badly.

in the meantime, the others were preparing to bring my grandmother back to SGH as she wanted to clear her system.

when everyone gathered in the room, she was so happy that she managed to sit up, saying that she's ready to go to the hospital. she caused quite a commotion when she sat up, but thank God she was in such high spirits that she forgot about her pain.

at first, i thought it was all good news. then my mom said something that struck me thinking. she said that my grandmother's going to clear her system as she wants to be "clean" and when she leaves, she's "clean".

that sort of reminded me of my other grandmother, who requested to bath first before falling into a coma for a week. on the date of departure, she held onto her life tightly, waiting for my dad and her sons to come home. but, her old friend, seeing that she's suffering, decided to play the roles of all the sons and offered my grandmother water. as she offered, she claimed that she's the son and after she "acted" as my dad (the smallest son), she breathed her last.

my dad and the other sons arrived 30 minutes later. so near, yet so extremely far.

i'm really starting to wonder what would happen to my grandmother in the days to come. her birthday celebration would be celebrated this coming weekend, and it seems that there are so many events going on that i LOVE to join, but i can't. i just can't imagine how disappointed she would be if i'm not there.

i used to think that my presence doesn't make much a difference. but, i'm so wrong. not only me. everyone's presence makes differences to an old lady, even though she may appear grouchy and naggy always.

relationships are like circles around you.

family being the closest circle around you, followed by buddies, friends and whatsoever.

you may place someone at the furthest circle, but, for all you know, that someone may have placed you nearest to their hearts.