was doing my quiet time earlier, and it suddenly became a binding session. heh=)

love praying.

sometimes prayers can be really exciting, but there would be times when its really dry. when that happens, its usually because of a particular problem bugging inside our hearts that isn't submitted to God.

burdens and problems hold us back from seeing God's face and most of the time, God knows the problem, but when He shows it to us, we refuse to admit defeat. thats pride. yet we know that we need God more than we need anything.

so what do we do? we try to beat around the bush, hoping that God will still work after listening. but most of the time, He doesnt! He expects us to be straight forward and to confess that we made a mistake and thus sinned against Him.

only then He would be pleased and just to forgive and forget us of our sins.

you must be wondering why God is so troublesome and if He's really loving, why can't he just forgive everyone? well, the bible says that we are to be to honest and i'm sure that it also includes being honest with God.

we're all called to an intimate relationship with God. an intimate relationship is not treating God as a hourly friend, telling Him your requests and saying an Amen.

we have close friends and most of the time, we spend loads of time sharing and talking to our close friends. we do not talk about general topics with each other, but we talk about personal issues with each other; things that matter to us and each other.

intimacy with God is the same! though the word of God, His heart's desires are found. His word says that He desires for all to fellowship with Him and may all be saved. His powers are also shown in the bible - miracles of healings and deliverance from the enemies.

when God trusts you, God is able to use you and do wonderful miracles!! definitely the glory goes to Him and He's looking for a pure heart who's willing to seek His will.

how can all these happen without an intimate relationship with God?

i want to guard my heart, mind and to have a pure heart that seeks His face only. a heart thats after Jesus and a servant who God uses for His kingdom.

parade of schools training~

its been really challenging from day 1 and after some final reshuffling, my team has changed completely.

samantha's my flyer, jincai and i are bases and either kim or veron would be my backspot.

with sam as our flyer, means that the bases would have to do loads of high risk stunts and flying. i was rather stressed out because we couldn't even get our basics right and we were kinda stressed to be able to "fly" sam earlier.

felt kinda frustrated earlier because somehow, somewhere, there's always something wrong or we just can't manage. thank God for albert, who came down and taught us the right methods.

looking forward to friday=)

wow!!

i had a shock during security earlier when we had our briefing. i was ranger for 2 services and H2A for service 6. i'm usually the H2A and rarely ranger, but the shocking thing was that i was ranger 1 for service 5!!

to add on to the list of shocks, i was informed by bro chongkeng that zhaowei and i would pushing the birthday cake in service 4, to celebrate Pastor Kong's mom's birthday.

there were a number of problems before the actual celebration, but thank God everything went smoothly and everybody's happy! =D=D=D

glory to God!!

its the first time being ranger 1 for me and i was rather lost. but thank God nothing serious happened and once again, Bro Kok Yew taught me so much things regarding being an IC. i was quite stretched as i had 4 guys and i had to maximize my manpower and cover as much ground as possible.

thank God once again, His wisdom filled me and i found favor too=)

i had a scare when the DFO reported that there's 2 illegal parking at B1 and it would hinder movement for Pastor Sun when she arrives in church. thank God Pastor Sun was redirected and the blame wasn't entirely on me. but i still thank God for the invaluable lesson learnt today.

service was fantastic!! Pastor Kong preached about being all for Christ, a disciple, a person who God trusts. when that happens, there would be an open heaven and His powers can be demonstrated through us.

an encounter with God can change my entire destiny. i do not want to screw that up and if God tells me to ask whatever i want, i would ask for His anointing, to preach, to heal the sick and to minister.

glory to Him only!

woah. 1 day of pure excitment.

travelled to church at 11am and met with the NP-POS people for breakfast. there wasn't much people and MOST of them were late~

training today was rather sloppish. sean didn't look sharp, karen was panicky and janice was too quiet. but it was still very productive as we worked on our foundations and realized that we DO actually need loads of practise, if we want to excel.

some other groups have started practising extended and liberty. hope that my team isn't affected and we'll continue to train hard!! no matter what happens in the end, we would reach the finishing line!!

managed to get samantha to do the shoulder seat and stand even though i have NO experience in it. it was a greatgreat experience and its super addictive. this coming tuesday, i hope that i'll be able to work on the transition with chewlin and it would be a smooth flow from a shoulder seat to stand!! wOopiEe!!

was very late for cellgroup but it was a great cellgroup meeting. though there wasn't much people, the presence of God was tangible and was greatly encouraged when chinpoh shared his testimony.

rushed down to prayer meeting, but was still late. shared the cab with the church's photographer~ lolz=P but thank God when xiaojia and i stepped into the auditorium, it was just the first worship song~ managed to plug into the presence of God=)

anyway, prayer meeting was great!! i didn't feel as tired as i expected, but my voice started to give way a little~ i guess i need to control a little and not shout throughout the prayer meeting~ hEh=P but thank God my voice is still intact, just that its a little sore.

its my first time going for overnight prayer meeting and i survived the whole night!! its not quite difficult actually~ you would be involved in such strong prayers that you wouldn't even feel tired! the more i prayed, the more awake i became~ hEh=P

i really thank God for the supernatural strength He gave to me. i didn't have a proper meal for the entire day but i wasn't hungry. the reason why i didn't eat is because i didn't have time~ thank God my church provided light meals for us during the first break and i had a small bowl of porridge, which tasted really good~

thank God for the anointing, breakthroughs and revivals to come=D

i've gained 2kg!!

i'm just so freaking happy!! but i'm only 59 kg~ loLz=P i'm still 16kg away from my targetted weight!!

i wanna be 75kg, packed with lean muscles!! WOOHOO!!

i think i think too much. its time to move on and i shouldn't bother about such stuffs. people come and go, but true friends stay.

no matter what happens, i know that if i need someone, He's there for me and i should be contended. for He's the only one who i can depend on and He's able.

as much as i expect, i fall. why should i cause myself to fall and feel hurt?

at the same time, i want to be there for you. when you're down and out, i want to be the person listening, or just being with you. i don't mind the distance, time or location. just as long as you're fine, i'm fine.

but i guess that wouldn't happen much...

should i fade away or should i hang on?

wouldn't it be too stupid?

-

food for though. i guess this is something everyone goes through and most of the time, the situation seems negative. but i guess both parties have to do their part and make things happen.

well, this thingy just struck my mind...

to everyone : the same old saying that i always say - i'm always just a phonecall away. 24 hours standby, pleasePLEASE call me.

-

sometimes i wonder who's the real me.

is the joel you know a quiet person or a crappy person?

personally, i'm the quiet guy. but i would joke around just to break the ice. but slowly, my jokes would cease and the amount of words i speak would decrease.

its not because you're a boring person, but because thats just me.

even ben asked if i'm usually a quiet person and i realized that i've been really quiet recently. i guess its more of not knowing what to say than keep quiet because of misunderstandings.

when you see me talk a lot to someone, it shows that i want to know that person more. but if you realize, at the end of the session, i would know something more about you, but you don't.

it kind of freaks me out now, even as i think.

not a lot of people really know me. charmaine thinks that i'm the crazy and whacky person, natalie thinks that i'm the quiet but full of shit person, yuxuan thinks that i'm caring towards everyone.

huge differences from 3 friends.

i guess i'm more of the listener most of the times and the "leader" only when the spotlights on me.

i'm never the smartest or the coolest dude around, and i do not act like them. i'm never the babe magnet with loads of girl-friends and i'm not always surrounded by girls.

i would rather spend time with a loved one and feel extremely contented. even if its just 5 minutes, i would be glad. its the quality that counts, not the quantity.

i dream of the sweetest possible moments and wish that its happening to me. if my eyes can speak, i hope it speaks sincerity.

i do really care... i may not show it, but did you feel it?

first training over!!

it was great! though i was really tired and my sense of humor was at the lowest point of my life, i enjoyed myself, challenging and going a level higher then before.

the dream team - Sean as first base. Dorcas as Backspot. Samantha and Karen as flyers.

its karen's first time doing stunts and she's like an experienced flyer! she didn't fall as much as other flyers and she can really hold her position really well even when the bases had slight difficulty.

samantha, as usual, is a good flyer and she NEARLY had a bad accident. thank God for dorcas who managed to grab her in time! and as usual, she stepped and fell all over me again. heHz~ at least she fell only once... and that shall be the final one.

its sean's first time doing stunts and he's a real fast learner. very sharp and observant. very willing to work hard so that the sisters can get a feel of the stunts and even though he was very tired, he kept trying until his last bit of strength.

we almost suceeded in the extended elevator, but i guess we were too tired and our timing wasn't accurate. in the end, joy managed to get the extended elevator with brother alvin and sam as her base. kim makes a great backspot; making sure that everything is in place and alrite before giving the commands~

this year's POS feels different from other years...

anyway, i'm aching all over but i thank God that there wasn't any accidents and everyone was in high spirits!!

can't wait for friday=)

bored.

first official training for POS starting in 10 hours and 20 mins. unsure of my feelings right now as there are just too many thoughts in my mind.

don't you just wish that you can extract the thoughts in your mind?

i guess i'm just tired.

back after so many days.

its has been a powerpacked week for me~ filled with loads of activities and programs.

friday - woke up super early and met kim to do some shopping. we planned to make jelly and shopped around for the ingredients. i never knew that its so troublesome~ hEh=P

i had loads of fun making the jelly and torturing kim with the jelly~ =X btw, the jelly that kim makes is nice! but mine was a tad too messy and soggy, not forgetting extremely sweet. hEh=P must be because i'm such a sweet person, thats why its so sweet~

finally completed making the jelly at 8 and headed down to apollo centre to meet my cellgroup for a KTV outing. quite a number of people were there and i got rather bored waiting for my songs to arrive. so i suggested playing pool, which effectively killed the boredom.

took a cab down to cine and met kim and her family for midnight movie. her mom was playing time crisis 2 and she was so happy playing that game!! haHaz!! she couldn't stop playing and kim spent a total of 8bucks on that machine!! woAhh!!

played the "space hockey" gamey with kim and sam. we played a total of nearly 5 rounds, and before each round could complete, the machine would break down. thus, we had free games and this kept going on. the game was so unfair!! but i won~ loLz=P

we watched "the interpreter" and it a super messy show. the storyline is quite complicating and its like 2 stories mixed into 1, the ending is quite surprising though it ended suddenly.

reached home at 4am.

woke up at 8.45 and met kim shortly afterwards to get more stuffs for ben's 21th birthday celebrations. after getting all the stuffs, she headed to teach tutition while i got a volleyball from herman. packed all the stuffs we're bringing to sentosa and waited for kim to reach my place after her tutition.

we took a cab straight to sentosa and met lydia, ben's GF.

S E N T O S A ! !

been eons since i last stepped that place and after preparing most stuffs, i got into the suntanning mood. hEHhzzz=P sam and i did something crazy too~ we walked from siloso beach to palawan beach just to get 2 packets of ice. worst of all, i didn't wear my slippers and the floor was like burning coals.

we had our mini stroll by the beach too~ lolz=P didn't know where did kim disappear to and she didn't bring her HP along, so kim missed out something great~ =P

played captain's ball and it was fun~ HahAz=P quite intensed and rough, but it was still fun~ played volleyball and it was fun too~ we were almost like aimlessly hitting the ball over and picking it up again~

one of the sweetest moments was when everyone was to share what we think about ben. almost everyone says that he's a great guy, who's very caring, helpful and protective person~ hHahAz~ his barker friends are funny too~

then came the sabo. ben was blindfolded and everyone carried the stuffs and hid in the hotel room. ben didn't know that we had a hotel room, so lydia left clues for him to locate us in sentosa~ ben took 40 minutes!! he got us all so worried and kim, another guy and me went out to search for him~ loL=P

that half naked man walked all over rasa sentosa just to look for us and even took the final clue off because he thought that there would be more clues~ lolz=P everyone was preparing to give him a surprise the moment he opens the door, but he walked off in the end.

when the party ended, the rest of us went to the arcade and played super old games~ played pool with sam and kim and they almost won me=/

time seriously flew and before we knew it, its 3am. kim was struggling to stay awake and played bridge half asleep~ she gave in finally and ben took over~

we played bridge until 5.30am and decided to take a 30 minute nap.

reached home at 7.30am and met kim again at 8am. we headed to church together, both super sleepy and tired. took my breakfast in church, stuggled to read the bible because i was dozing off and i was all alone when kim went to report for usher duty!!! bleh. now i know how she feels when she goes to church earlier with me~ =X

service was great! pastor tan preached today and he shared about seedtime and harvest. char kept me awake throughout the service by entertaining me, writing notes on my notebook and making me laugh like mad. i believe pastor tan noticed us, loads of times =P

had POS meeting and i was dozing off while bro alvin talked. kim came and joined me in the dozing off club. i would definitely say that this year's POS stunts are challenging and extremely tough.

i MUST overcome the goliath!! can't allow it to stop me from achieving something great for Jesus!!

the thoughts of it may give me the creeps, but i believe that the Lord's protection WILL be on us and every single one of us will be safe and sound at the end of the day=D

for the past few days, its been really exciting for me and it has left deep memories in my life. the view at night in sentosa is breathtaking and there was a full moon, clear skies and stars~ it was almost like a picture perfect scene~

the fellowship i had is great.

though its just 1 week, i feel as though this 1 week is the longest, yet its the best week of my holidays~ i know that there will be more to come in the coming weeks!!

if only i could go msia~ hEh=P

crap results.

i've just received my final results and it's totally crap!!!!

only got 1 A, 1 B, 2 D+ and 3 D!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!

the WORST of all, my EVP got a D!!!!!!! WHY!?

stupid SA and PM got D+! was aiming for at least a C. but i'm still very shocked that my EVP got a D =/

but... thank God i passed my LAN and PCS paper, which i was really praying really hard for it. so i guess its somekind of rainbow after the rain~ heh.

thank God that my PCS lecturer managed to review my grades and passed me. thank God my LAN paper, which was very tough, got at least the passing grade in the end.

live recording=)

tangible presence of God, strong anointing and beautiful voices.

i can't wait for the DVD and CD.

first time in the holidays, i'm up so early.

i guess i prayed last night that i would be able to wake up early so that i can suntan. cool. God answered my prayers and woke me up at 6.30am. was even able to give yuxuan a call just to check if she's awake and i could tell that she's extremely amused.

called her and realized she has already reached NUH=/ lolz~ and she woke up at 5am! so even my "morning call" wouldn't be helpful.

gave kim a call too as she would be teaching in ZHSS, but she didn't answer!! i wonder if she can't wake up or she's already in school. well, she woke up late. just received her sms~ lolz=P

i forgot what i wanna blog about=/

anyway, praise God!! its a beautiful MORNING!! it certainly feels good waking up early, though a little sleepy, but its refreshing!! i can't wait to suntan~ or should i hit the gym again, then suntan?

i'm confused.

just came back from a great gym session with herman at CCK.

it was great because we worked out pretty hard, not much pauses for breaks and kept adding weights till we couldn't take it.

the bonus would be this particular girl working out with her friend too. she looks like our friend, just that she has nicer eyes!! and i really mean nice eyes.

herm and i were debating if she applied eye shadow, but her eyes appear to be quite deep in and its very sharp. VERY beautiful!! woahh!

its almost impossible to wear eye shadow to gym right? when you gonna sweat, than the eye shadow would smudge! so in conclusion, she DOES have deep and sharp eyes~ which is extremely attractive~

oh man. i wonder if they would be there next week~~ loLz=P

provoking thoughts.

Christians are not superman.

we're merely human beings, limited in our thoughts and powers. we're no where near perfection and we need guidance of a higher being. in our context, that higher being is called God.

the bible is written by human beings, inspired by the Holy Spirit.

the Holy Spirit, the Father and Jesus, the Son of God is called the Holy Trinity. they work together as one, in agreement with each other.

we maybe Christians, and our sins are forgiven. but that doesn't mean that our flaws are taken away. that doesn't mean that bad habits and memories are erased. we're still inperfect and we desire to be more like Christ.

seemingly impossible, but nothing is impossible with God.

the day of perfection? it would take eternity to reach there=)

i'm so glad that i'm created unique and special. i accept that this world i'm living in is imperfect because its a fallen world. i accept that there will be more earthquakes and tsunamis to come because its written in the word of God.

i believe the second coming of Christ will come when everyone has heard of the true gospel.

i believe that making Christ your Lord is a choice, introducing you the BEST friend i have is a must.

i believe that trials and tribulations will lead me to glory to glory. i believe i have victory in every situation and what the devil meant for bad, God is able to use it for His glory.

i believe i serve a great, almighty, limitless, powerful, loving, providing, just and faithful God.

hallelujah!

with regards to last night's post, i guess i've only 1 person to run to and thats Jesus. not forgetting buds like kim and veron, who messaged me at 5am, waking me up after i finally fell asleep at 3 plus.

today's message was totally for me and its called the sacrifice of praise. its not something new for me and i even shared this with a friend of mine, who was going through a tough time. little did i know that i could have praised God from the beginning of the attacks, instead of allowing it to manifest in my mind.

i guess God wants me to learn something out of the sermon, so i was allocated in the same position for 3 services.

Psalms 73 : 25 - 26

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

i wanna be like David, who praised God no matter what the situation was, trusting Him and depending on Him for deliverance. knowing that God is able to take the situation and change it for His advantage.

in the worst of situations, David wouldn't dwell on the negatives but he focuses on the positives. he focuses on God, the goodness of God and his hunger for Him. thats seriously something i should learn if i want to defeat the goliath in my life.

i also realized that i'm prone to such "attacks" when i'm tired. i guess i've been sleeping way too late and waking up at weird times during the day. not forgetting taking loads of naps because i have nothing better to do.

discipline! mustmust have the discipline!!

its time i review my goals card and start working hard towards it. can't slack anymore, its April and there's not much time left this year.

the greater the degree of anointing, the greater the degree of trials. i wouldn't say that i'm going through all these and i would become super anointed. look at what Jesus, and the disciplines went through! the disciplines got stoned, mocked, challenged and threatened. Jesus went through 40 days in the wilderness, got mocked, challenged and threatened too.

woah.. i shouldn't complain in the future. =P

my greatest desire NOW is to sleep! YET i can't sleep!! ARGH!! how annoying can that be!?

am i going through some test again? some test from God, testing if i would trust Him? why is it that i always fall repeatingly and seemingly cry out to Him, and i fall again!? its tough! its hard! i really need a breakthrough else i'm stuck!!

i don't feel the presence of God and i'm annoyed!!

how i wish that tomorrow isn't Sunday and i don't have to wake up early, so that i can share my thoughts with someone... but.. there isn't that someone!!

someone who gives me encouragement and advices. someone who points me to the right direction and leads me.

i believe all the Spiritual people are saying that Jesus is the person i'm looking for. i know that He's the one i run to, but i also NEED a friend who i can talk to face to face!! a person who makes me feel comfortable sharing with him/her, a person who's able to take away the blues and add colours into my life!

i just wish that everything wouldn't be like that now. no doubt its good going through tests, but where are the angels that He promised when we cry out to Him!? the angels that would care for us?

argh!! i just hate these doubts.

sometimes i just feel so darn tired of everything i'm doing and i need God's refreshing touch. i wouldn't want to repeat the silly mistakes i make for the rest of my life!!

i feel SO stuck.

i feel like checking my heart and SEE whats INSIDE my heart. i wanna know if God is IN my heart or in my mind.

heart. mind.

they seem to work the same way, but out of the heart flows love, out of the mind, flows methods.

i feel like as though i'm leading a lifeless life everyday! a shell that knows Jesus is my saviour, knows the lyrics to the best worship songs and knows what God promises us.

i don't want to be that shell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want a life!! a life in CHRIST!!

God is definitely moulding me hard and i'm feeling it.

please keep me by Your side and never let me go!! please allow me to dwell in Your presence and never lose it!! please forgive me of all my wrong-doings and cleanse me!! please SOFTEN my heart and open it up so that Your love can fill it!!

heart of worship.

its all about You Jesus...

i'll bring You more than a song..... You're looking into my heart..... into my heart....

i guess i need to spend more time... with God... to find His peace...

thank You Father for Your peace in me...

talents.

i was playing basketball at BPCC earlier with some teens and came an ah beng that joined us. my first impression of him was rather poor because of his attitude.

we were playing 3 on 3 and play got disrupted because of some problem another player faced. so someone shot the ball and the rebound was heading towards me. out of no where, that ah beng jumped in front of me and grabbed the ball away.

first - never do that because it shows that you're desperate to show off your skills.

second - i hate people doing that, especially when its just a shoot about.

that ah beng is quite a good player actually. but because of his pride, i nearly lost my cool and wanted to rough back. thank God i kept my cool and played in a way that annoyed him, instead of myself.

i kept a tight guard over him and even though he managed to score against me, i made sure that i answered back the next ball. even if i fall to do so, i would pass the ball around and control the play so that their team wouldn't gain possession that easily.

they lost both matches against us.

i didnt do much stuffs, but my teammates were remarkable. there's this CCKSS kiddo who's a great player. super young, yet talented. but the difference is that he's not puffed up with pride! i still remember seeing that kiddo everywhere i went recently and he never fails to give me a smile and a wave.

he calls me arcade mode because of the way i shoot and score baskets easily for 3 pointers. back then.. but i was totally off form earlier and couldnt score much baskets. yet he encouraged me and asked me to take more shots.

after a few matches, i finally got my touch back and scored baskets that annoyed that ah beng.

anyway, back to the kiddo. he's a better shooter than i am and he's younger than me!! i'm so impressed by his coolness and meekness!! not to mention his blur looking face. lolz=P

if that ah beng changes his attitude, i'm sure that he would become a good basketball player. but with an attitude like that, who would be willing to play with him?

sigh.

okie. something happened.

i'm convicted.

i need to spend more time with God. He's prompting me. He's waiting for me.

i need to spend more time seeking His face, reading His word. but, if i were to follow the bible reading plan, wouldn't i exceed?

MAN!! i just got the answer.

WHY BOTHER!?!? WHATS WRONG WITH READING GOD'S WORD OVER AND OVER AGAIN!?!?

alrite. the Holy Spirit just scolded me, in a loving way=)

i can't believe i'm getting all these while listening to Hallelujah in hebrew!! the song my church used for the Israel trip trailer.

renew my love for You Lord!! i wanna be a like a child whose innocence You love!! i wanna be that tool You use in Your Kingdom!! to SHINE in the dark to guide the paths of the lost!!

love.

purity.

hunger.

burden.

compassion.

fire.

deep calling onto deep.

seek.

things will never be the same again.

God just breathed into me, a renewed mind, strength.

i NEED to rearrange my time!!! late nights WILL be a NO-NO!! how can i let God wait till 2am and talk to Him for 10-30 minutes!?!? (yes, notice the HUGE time range.)

HOW CAN!?

He practically waited for me the WHOLE day just to spend TIME with me, like how a Father waits for His sons to come home and share with Him about their day!!

i'm starting to imagine how God is heart-broken everynight when i say amen and sleep.

OH MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He desires and yearns to fellowship with us!!! AHH!!! WHY DIDN'T THAT VERSE HIT ME!?!?!

thank You Holy Spirit!!! AHH!!!

i wanna go church and sleep there.

i'm exploding INSIDE again!!!

i just had another vision. God with outstretched arms, huge smile, dressed in white robes, welcoming me into His warmth... He's big, huge, almighty... He's warm, compassionate, loving... He's so fatherly...

He's my God! my Father in Heaven!!

wow.

after watching videos of past CHC events, programs and even TV shows, i've fallen deeper in love with Jesus.

my heart's desiring and wanting to know more of Jesus and hungry for more of Him!!

WOW!!!

the point of no return, returns!

finally after a long break, i went to the gym!! together with weilun and herman~

met lun at 5 and we headed down to CCK gym without hermzie because he had to buy stuffs for his final year project. i guess we didn't manage our "strength" properly and by one hour, both of us were kinda tired already.

slacked and waited for hermzie till 7.15pm.

went for second round and it was really challenging~ loLz=P i kept reducing the weights and even repetitions! heHz=P we went to the free weights corner and played around too~ tried the bar thingy, which weighs 20kg by itself, and lifted it. it was quite an experience~

all the gym training went to waste after we had dinner at KFC!! hahaZz~

sharon asked me something really interesting yesterday, i wonder how did she know too. she asked why i'm not focusing in CellGroup ministry, but focusing in Security ministry.

was quite shocked when she asked me that, and that issue has been on my mind for quite sometime.

no doubt, its my dream to rise up and be a cellgroup leader, leading a group of on fire Christians for the Lord. but, i remember a close friend of mine telling me that lives would be in my hands and if i'm not prepared, i might just screw up their lives.

its a HUGE responsibility.

so i guess i just want to be trained more.

i plan to stay in security until i complete SOT training, year 1 perhaps? that would take me 4 years from now on.

call it faithless or whatever, but i do not want to make mistakes like that. unless of course, if God's plan is for me to be a cellgroup leader now, i would have no choice but to obey Him.

now there's another question being thrown at me.

why am i single? loLz=P

not asked by sharon, but several of my friends. they all say that i'm bf material and they DON'T believe that i wouldn't have a gf. loLz=P

for this question, i've totally no idea why i'm still single.

maybe i'm just too goodlooking that female species feel that they are not good enough for me.

crap.

i guess its just the fear of rejection and i would rather the female species take the first step~ or HINT GREATLY so that even a klutz would know that the female species likes him. lolz=P

anyway.. i'll leave this to God. let Him decide~ i feel that i've been called to singlehood=/ maybe i'm the next pope. LOL!!

sunday never ceases to bring me up a whole new level.

extremely blessed to be able to listen to Rev Rick's message 2 times, and its 2 different messages!! was caught off guard but thank God i was able to absorb as much as i can=)

Rev Rick really preached 2 messages that challenged me. he preached about being ourselves, and not who we want to be and being a disciple for Christ.

in church, there are two main types of ministries. there's the multitude ministry and the discipleship ministry.

disciples are those whose lives are changed by God and multitues ministry are just people who feed on the word and do nothing about it.

to be a disciple of Christ, we got to make the word our life. its about experiencing the purpose of God, in our life, and spending quality time with disciples.

Jesus said, He will build the church and we are to make disciples of ALL nations. that simply means that we're to train quality disciples! disciples who are willing to carry the burden of God on their shoulders!!

but durin that process, there's many things that we have to do and thats to SUBMIT to God, bringing Him all our talents and when He returns us our talents, we lay down everything and take Jesus as Lord.

bringing our talents to Jesus. our gifts and talents come from the Almighty God and only He knows the fullest potential our talents can achieve. we can use our talents to bring glory to God or in a perverted way.

Rev Rick said something so true, "some of the most talented and richest people are the most depressed people on this earth"

they work so hard, yet they are unable to fill the void in their hearts. the void that yearns for God's love, the void that requires the blood of Jesus Christ and the void that hungers for the Holy Spirit.

when we lay down our talents at His feet, He breaks the demonic control of the talent and returns the talents back to us.

in layman's term, Jesus takes away every impurites and sets our hearts right before Him.

there are many things in life we try to control. but when Jesus is our LORD, we're unable to control our own life! our life is in His hands because He's our LORD. so, we've to TRUST Jesus and do whatever He says!

we may feel that we don't like it, BUT God knows whats best for you because He sees things differently!! IF God were to make everyone on this earth happy, it would be chaotic!! imagine God granting every single wish that i make - endless of money, hot body, most goodlookin face, tall, tanned, etc

the list goes on! if God were to grant everything, then WHY we call Jesus our LORD? our SHEPHERD!?

we MUST allow God to come in and change our life! definitely, we must bow down in agreement to God, allowing Him to work in our lives, changing areas that isn't worthy and obeying His voice.

when these are in place, our walk with God will definitely be an exciting one because God is able to use us for His glory!

thats what he preached for service 4=)

service 5, he shared about exposing my pseudo self.

he shared that many people feel that the REAL them is unacceptable. so they would hide in shells or take on an identity of another person just to cover up! some people think that things would be better if they perform better.

if the performance is birth out of wrong desires, it would only lead to destruction!! imagine a DUCK acting like a watch dog.

a guy who's easily intimated wants to be like the coolest hunk in the movies. his desires is to be a cool dude like him. but when the situation arises, and without the right motives, he's still gonna be intimated!!

we got to excel in who we are and not what we think we are!

i may not be the smartest guy around or the most good looking hunk, but the fact that GOD made me unique and special and he made me, ME! not YOU!! God made me who i am! there's no way i'm gonna change that!

the word of God says that He didn't give me the spirit of fear, but of a love and of a sound mind! the Lord is MY victory, MY healer, MY sheperd and many other more!

when Jesus Christ is in our lives, the strongholds WILL be destroyed and it wouldn't give the devil any single chance to live in us. why?

because there is POWER in the word of God, His word is LIFE and its LIGHT to my path and His word can RENEW my mind!! hallelujah!

thats just a brief recap of what Rev Rick taught us about=)

-

after serving, before briefing started, i was asked to write by charmaine, to prove that my handwriting is nice. so i wrote 1 line and Ashley, an usher, was so shocked and said that my handwriting is neater then hers.

bah.

met charmaine and waited for sharon at the riveria. tested charmaine with the verses and she managed to remember 5 verses in just 5 minutes!! i'm still so amazed by her amazing memory power and she even remembers the commas and stuffs~ woah.

finally sharon finished and we headed to town! i was only told that we would be catching a show. so i tagged along, since i had nothing to do.

along the way, sharon told us that she would be getting shoes for mabel, her bud. so she wanted to draw money from the ATM. but she was unable to draw the cash out. not knowing why she checked her tithe recept and to her shock, she realized she made a mistake at her tithe! a HUGE mistake!

but that didnt stop her from being a giver! she bought the shoes for mabel using her visa. not only that! we ate dinner and billy bombers and she paid for the entire dinner using her visa too!! talk about being a generous giver!!

not only that. she often drops me off UNDER my block even when she's rushing for time. she sped and cut lanes like ABC down the PIE and BKE, yet she bothers to turn into my block and drop me off~

she does so many good things to be and i seriously do feel bad at times~ did suggest if i could work with her, but they're not looking for partimers~ lolz=P i guess 1 of the best things i can do is that when i've my car, i'll ferry them, sharon and char, around and when my finances is really strong, i wouldn't even mind treating them for nice dinners~

we watched the pacifier and it was FUNNY!! hahAzz=P army style of keepin the kids together and training them like as though they are in the army.

anyway, i kinda pooped.

hahaz~ once again, God decided to change my day and end it on high.

this is what happens when you put your trust in God and submit to Him, even when you don't feel like it.

Emerge Conference 2005!! this time, there would be a preaching challenge and most probably i'll be signing up for that~ hEh. was told by xj that we would have to write our own sermons. so probably i'll use my unity sermon and maybe write a new one, which is about letting go of our hurts.

eugene had a taste of my sermon~ loLz=P

there is also extreme sports and biathlon events. not sure if i'm gonna join this year as i maybe involved in Parade of Schools and it would be quite time consuming. not forgetting that Emerge Conference this year is held during our school term!!

for the first time, i enjoyed my journey home. my mind wandered and i started to imagine myself preaching to the entire congregation, giving altarcall, ministering to them and even laying hands~ loLz=) its really fun when your mind wanders to the extremes~ hAHaz=P

but, GLORY to God! for all these are not possible without Him!

so after 3 straight hours, i completed 6 chapters of PCS tutorials.

heh. it was really an tiring day as i had to spend LOADS of time travelling.

11am - headed to school for a tennis training briefing. our coach, dedy, sounds kinda arrogant and he gave me the Ken Lim impression. maybe he's really confident about his coaching skills~ can't say much until we see him in action.

5pm - headed to suntec and the bus didnt take me straight to suntec. instead, it made a turn to clifford pier and i had to take a 10 minute walk to suntec. i enjoyed the walk under the sun and bought ice cream along the way!! loLz=P i felt like a tourist and i really enjoyed the breeze at the bridge... maybe i should hang out there often~

6pm - headed to jurong west to meet my friend, to collect the PCS tutorials.

8.30pm - finally met my friend near her place and finally collected the tutorials.

9.30pm - went to kim's place to collect my pen and she offered to send me down~ headed to 7-11, grabbed a drink and stoned at the interchange while waiting for my bus, which takes a super long time to arrive.

while waiting, there was this gentleman who approached us. he asked if we could spare him 2 bucks and we managed only $1.50 worth of coins. he saw that i still had 10 cents after we said thats all and after 10 seconds, he turned around and asked if he could have that 10 cents.

if he didnt ask for that 10 cents, i wouldn't feel that he's a little off. but the moment he asked for that 10 cents, i felt immediately that he's not in the right state of mind and he may disturb kim for more money as my bus arrived.

boarded the bus and couldn't see where kim disappeared too. messaged her, but no replies.

11.00pm - reached home, bathed, ate and started doing tutorials. messaged kim again, no replies

11.30pm - gave her a call and thank God she answered and said that she didn't notice the messages. would feel EXTREMELY guilty if something happened to her. man=/

well, God's our protector and He would protect us=)

i spent like 4-5 hours travelling today? i'm really tired of travelling and i hate travelling on buses alone. a 15 minutes journey can seem extremely long when i'm alone and whenever i travel, my mind tends of wander and often gets attacked spiritually.

and that reminds me. i've spent like 30 bucks on transport!! its so freaking expensive to travel in sinagapore!! and i'm broke, again.

sigh.

FINANCIAL BLESSING, IN JESUS' NAME, I COMMAND YOU TO FILL MY LIFE!!

how amazing.

my PCS lecturer decided to call me at 11.30am, woke me up, and asked for my tutorial sheets. best of all, he's giving me 2 days to complete 6 tutorials.

why now!?

he said that there are some tutorial sheets at his table, but he doubts that they belong to me. but i remember handling them up!! not all, but at least some of them!! though i can't remember if i wrote my name on it~ loLz=P

i'm not ranting about it, but i want to thank God for this situation as the tutorial is at least 10% weightage of the overall result and if i were to submit all the tutorials, it means that i would have 10 marks confirmed.

10 marks is A LOT and based on my performance during the finals, i REALLY need that 10 marks!! thank GOD!!!

the importance of tutorials~ ah...

sunday!!

with great excitement, i woke up fairly late and took a cab down to church. thank God i was still early and managed to grab a bite before serving.

that reminds me, i've yet to drink my cup of iced milo. i wonder where is it~ loLz=P

i was placed in the same position throughout the day and i really thank God for that. NOT for personal motives (what's there to gain serving there!?) but because i get to listen to the word 3 times, partake of the communion 3 times and receive 3 TIMES the anointing!!

watch out world! loLz=P

today's message is about the Ark of God, which is the Presence of God.

its a great message preached by Pastor Kong, AS USUAL, and he preached about carrying the presence of God into our workplace, schools and even at home. wherever the presence of God dwells, comes ABUNDANCE!!

the presence of God is something thats really precious and we should all hunger for it. more than that, we would be carriers of His presence, that He will be enthroned in our lives!! when you're anointed with the presence of God, science and wonders follow after you and miracles happen before your eyes.

yes, we shouldn't seek such miracles, but we seek God almighty only.

i truly want to be a carrier of God's presence, everywhere i go.

after service, i headed down to meet my cousin after a short walkaround with kim and sam at jurong point. i had a wedding dinner to attend and, NO, its not my wedding, but its my cousin's wedding.

heh. not exactly close to her, but just felt like going~

the dinner was rather boring and thank God for my nephews and nieces who kept me company throughout~ joy, jamie, janeen were taking turns to sit on my lap and as i became their massaging chair=/ lolz=P

joy's super cute man. just walk up to me, then stare at me. when i asked her if she wants to sit on my lap, she smiled and nodded her head~ lolz=P

anyway, the wedding ceremony wasn't really very romantic or whatsoever maybe because food was placed in front of us. hEh.. if i was getting married, i would do something REALLY special.. maybe like sing a song or something~ lolz=P

then, i would ban all alcoholic drinks because after seeing the groom toasting everyone and getting really drunk, i was so turned off by the stuffs that he said and did.

his english is directly translated from hokkien. you dry i dry. which actually means ni ta wa ta in hokkien. which means that both parties simply just finish the entire mug of beer. thats not all, he started to talk really loudly and kept on drinking and drinking.

what a way to spoil your wedding video and memories of it.

i really can't imagine myself drunk on my wedding night. heh=P on a wedding day, its both the bride and groom's day, lookin at their best and lovely~ if at the end of the day, my wife has to drag me to the toilet or kick me off the bed, it wouldn't be a pretty memory~ lolz=P

anyway, wedding bells ain't ringing yet. i'm still single!

finally the exams are over and i don't feel the excitment of it.

feels like any other normal day.

maybe i should just stop dreading about the stupid paper and move on with my life. the papers are now being marked and there's nothing i can do to change my marks. by the grace of God, i would be able to pass my exams and move on to the next semester.

i think i should start planning about things to do during the holidays.

finally i can blog.

while reading this entry, please allow the beautiful song to load and hopefully, you would understand what i feel whenever i listen to this song.

when i heard this song, i felt so attached to this song. i feel as though this song belongs to me and holds a specific meaning for me. when i started to repeat it, repeatingly, my visions came back to me again.

i saw myself preaching in a stadium, images of myself healing the sick and mega crusades ( something like benny hinn's crusades ) with this music as its background.

then i remembered that benny hinn used this music for his crusade too, that introduced us to the millions of indians in his india crusade.

and there i was, seated in the library, too engrossed in my vision that i started to worship God in my heart. i allowed my vision to build on and i saw myself becoming more and more like benny hinn, a healing evangelist.

i saw myself, my flaws. the areas of my life that was not submitted to God.

it was as though God was speaking to me directly in the comfort of my school library. God showed areas of my life that needs to go through Him, so that my fullest potential can be reached.

He showed areas like doing things for His glory or personal glory, if my intentions of doing things is really for the love of God or just for praises.

He showed me how benny hinn submitted his life to Him and how He is able to use him for such great miracle crusades.

He showed me how easy it is to heal because He's the one that does the healing and we're that ones that are sent by Him; all we need is faith and total submission to Him.

He showed that i maybe still young, but NOW'S the time to submit totally to God.

Michael W. Smith - Healing Rain

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this cry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

2 down, 2 to go.

next paper, System Analysis. loads of theory stuffs to remember and common sensical stuffs too. wouldn't be a problem to pass, but scoring for that paper is the tough one. well, wouldn't be over confident, but still would be a little more relaxed when studying this module.

the last hurdle would be my LAN paper. amazingly, i need 40 marks to pass and i seriously still don't understand why. thank God i still have thursday and friday to study for my LAN paper and i seriously need intensive brain cell transplant for the next few days.

i guess i'm going through a period of testings, again. after great easter celebrations and renewed passion, comes the testings. raw faith is just being tested repeatingly, physically and mentally drained out and no matter how long you sleep, you just can't get the energy level back. no matter how much you plead for the presence of God, you still feel drained.

never felt so useless when i was doing my PCS paper earlier. the questions were almost similar as the ones i practised, yet i still fumbled. the paper was tricky and i wasn't confident enough for the module. the moment i handed up my paper, i thought to myself that i never would want to touch that module, again.

through all these difficult times, i had to pump myself with positive thoughts. i kept my cool and tried not to think too much negative stuffs. but sometimes it just gets into my mind and pollutes my mind with negative things.

even expressing myself now is difficult because i do not even know what exactly is my emotions. i feel tired, sleepy and empty. its not because i didn't sleep much, not because i played basketball earlier and certainly not because of a setback in my life.

but i do know something for sure, and that is to keep walking forward, keep pressing on, towards the light at the end of the tunnel. it maybe far, it maybe tiring, but i know that i WILL reach the end and i shall soar like the eagles in the skies.

my character is definitely being moulded and i would be moulded to who He wants me to be. areas of my life that isn't submitted to God has to be submitted now and sins that have yet to be forgiven is to be repented now.

being dependant on Jesus is great. all i need is Him and i know that He would never forsake me and He loves me because He died on the cross for us. He's always here with me, His Spirit dwells in me and i will abide in His words.

He's not just any human being, but He's God who will never let me go. He's the one that picked me up when i fell and He's also the one walking beside me in the shadow of dry bones. He's my protector, my savior and my Lord.

He's worthy of all praises and His blood covers all sin and shame. because of Him, we're able to have a relationship with our Heavenly Father and spend eternity with Him.

He who's in me is greater then he who's in the world.

whats wrong with me!?

paper today wasn't that bad, doable.

i wonder if my brain is processing anything today. nothing seems to be getting into my brain, but many seems to be getting out. my brain seems empty now and i do not even know whats in my mind.

studied for tomorrow's paper after my exams and nothing much was processed. really couldn't concentrate and the longer i stared at the paper, the stupider i felt. when i started to work out the solutions, it wasn't that difficult. but i still had to refer here and there=/

i just can't seem to channel all my focus on something.

there i was, seated in the library, trying very hard to study and my mind keeps wandering away or getting into sleep mode. it was really frustrating, yet i was emotionless.

my friend said that i'm just too tired and i should get some sleep. so i went home at 4, after "studying" for 4 hours and slept till 9.

lets not talk about that anymore.

-

my friends, hamzah and jackson, are on the verge of quitting school. maybe not so much for hamzah, but jackson seems rather determined that he would sacked by the school by this semester.

the reason? because he seems rather assured that he would fail a module that he failed last year. the reason causing that? could be the lecturers, could be themselves, i've no idea. but to think of it, getting sacked after failing a module that you failed before is rather stupid.

once a student feels that there isn't any hope, would he even study for the paper? i believe not. if you're pursuing something and there's a ray of hope, you give your best shot and pray hard that it hits the bullseye.

but when hope casts a dark shadow, would you even bother about it!?

the worst thing is that, the lecturers actually told them that they would be sacked if they fail again. what a way to encourage students!! its almost like asking them to die since they are down with cancer.

not all cancer are treatable, but at least there's treatment to delay it!

so i saw jackson today, seated a few rows away from me, sleeping throughout the paper and handing up an empty piece of paper. WHY!? because of his great lecturer, telling him that he failed the module and no matter what results he get, he still fails.

what a good lecturer, so nice of him to encourage his student this way. i heard of the way he handles his students. the lecturer would mess up their programming codes and expect them to type it all out from stratch.

that's like madness!? i wouldn't even be able to do that!!

firstly, there's a reason why programming projects are usually given 2 weeks time to complete.

secondly, doesn't mean that when you complete your project, you remember every single line of the codes you typed.

lastly, if you're expecting a student to type out the codes from stratch, why bother to even get them to complete it? might as well just skip the project and head straight for the testing part!

thank God i've a nice lecturer but i'm really sad for my friends.

crapness.

i seriously wonder why i was posted to be in logistics, when i'm not in the logistics team and when its a mega event in the indoor stadium.

but its still a great experience working together with brother william, though i didn't do much stuffs.

the most nerve wrecking moment is before and after service. when security personnels come and collect their equipments and if there's a mixup, its gonna cause loads of trouble and problems.

thank God for people like daniel and kuo wei who helped me do loads of stuffs in the beginning and taught me several things that i needed to know.

one of the advantages doing logistics is that you're able to take naps during service when there's nothing required of you. i badly needed sleep and was dozing off whenever possible~ loLz=P

was finally dismissed at 3pm and had a lift to the bus stop to meet kim. i guess she waited for quite sometime, almost 20 minutes if i'm not wrong=/ zhaowei and i were crapping with each other and kim was stoning. well, feel kinda bad about it now~ loLz=P kind of neglected her and when we reached suntec, she went off to meet her cellgroup.

guilt multiplied. hahaZz=P

had lunch with my cellgroup and majority headed home after lunch. so i called zhaowei and we met, since he wants to do some window shopping. kim joined us shortly afterwards, looking a lot more cheerful~ thank God=P

walked past this cafe and i saw serene SLEEPING! heh. disturbed her and realized that cindy was with her too~ both girls mugging for the up-coming exams=/

shall skip the exams=P

there's this bookshop in the citylink and we were browsing through the books there. found some really interesting books like 99 ways to show your love and reasons why you would love your dog more than your man.

the book on loving your dog more then your man is super funny, not all though - guys would bring more smelly and noisy guys to watch soccer, but your dog wouldn't.

the book on 99 ways to show your love is rather interesting too~ some of the methods suggested are totally crazy, but some are really sweet and nice.

the 99th method is - a hug tells it all.

hahaZz~ there are many sweet methods inside, but i can't remember them all because of a brain failure, my braincells are failing due to lack of sleep. but if i were to run out of ideas to express my love, i wouldn't mind buying that book and get some tips! haHaz=P

slept almost immediately whenever i closed my eyes on the bus~ heHz. thank God i didn't start mumbling dark secrets of my life=P

rounding off this easter celebrations, it has been an eye opener for me! though we have been serving in the indoor stadium many times, i've been doing the same positions for the last few events until the benny hinn conference. after the benny hinn conference, doors opened and i was able to experience and learn so many things though my leaders.

firmly, i believe that serving comes from the heart and when i enjoy serving, it would bring out the best in me. but i shouldn't be content with what i have today but i should always seek to improve the way i serve God and increase the efficiency, not forgetting to always think like an IC.

promotion doesn't come from man but from God.

easter celebrations!!

2 great services on a saturday and i can't wait for the final easter service later at 11.00am!! this easter celebration also marks a benchmark for me, in serving as a security personnel.

i was pretty stretched by Bro Kok Yew when he decided to get me as his runner. he taught me so many stuffs that is extremely easy, yet 100% effective. he shared this with me, "to be an IC, you got to think like an IC"

its so true!! a leader is someone who takes charge and brings the people from point A to point B. a follower simply follows instructions and does whatever is given to him, anymore than that, they're unable to cope.

a leader looks after his man and is accountable for them too. he has to know their specific locations and assign them with duties. if a leader is unable to do that, then he wouldn't be able to release the full potential of the group assigned to him.

a leader, as an overall view, has to know his people well and has to work together with his people. knowing their strengths and flaws, the group depends on one another to work and on the leader's command, they establish.

a leader must be able to cover the basics even with little resources. a leader knows how to adjust with the situation and handle with sensitivity.

a leader must think fast, act fast and know whats going on, only than decisions can be made, risks can be taken and problems can be solved at the fastest possible time. without these available, its tough and one wrong move could cost everyone badly.

thank God i was given the chance and i was put as second IC for east sector. bro samuel threw me 3 other security personnels and told me that i'm in-charge of them. so bearing in mind what i just learnt, and had learnt before, i assigned them and gave them specific instructions.

thank God nothing serious happened and there wasn't much hipcups. but i believe that there's still room for improvement and so much more for me to learn from the leaders and security personnels.

thank God that Bro Kok Yew noticed me and kept me by his side during the first service, else i wouldn't have learnt so much from him.

from now on, i shall not think like a normal security, but like a security IC.

what if tomorrow is your last day on earth? are you assured of going to heaven? or would you be spending eternity with the evil one?

good works won't bring you to heaven, only Jesus Christ can.

eternity with God, or the devil, who would you choose?

if you think that you're still young and you can "delay" this decision, are you able to stop things from happening around you, that may cause death?

Jesus Christ has redeemed us from the evil one, yet many people rejected Him. many will turn to false prophets during the end times and reject the true gospel. why is that so? because people want to take the easy way out.

in life, there is NO shortcuts. if you desire to be a 50 year old retiree now, you don't become one over night. you have to wait till your 50th birthday than you're a 50 year old retiree.

is accepting Christ that difficult? is believing His word that difficult? do you not even have faith on the almighty God that created the heavens and the earth?

Jesus Christ DIED on the cross for our sins. He was sinless, yet He bore our sins and died on the cross. He took away our sin, shame and guilt but He doesn't take away our problems, habits and difficulties.

BUT in the bible, it says that we will be filled with the Holy Spirit, who would guide us and lead us with the renewing of the mind!

or are you expecting an instant miracle pill to drop from heaven that takes away every single problem, debt and habits?

when you're a born again in Christ, you're a new creation in God's eye. you're called children of God! why? because of Jesus Christ. without Him, this relationship can NEVER be restored and we would all end up in hell!

so WHY did Jesus Christ come to earth, in a human form, and die for us in the cross? because God loves us! He LONGS after our hearts and wants to fellowship with us!!

if going to church and cellgroup once a week is hard to cope, why is watching TV faithfully everyday easy? if reading the bible makes you fall asleep or its boring, why do you read the newspaper every morning without fail?

people can come up with millions of reason not to go church. but i've one very good reason for you to go church, and thats because God wants YOU to know Him and He has a great plan for you.

salvation is not a one time process. its a life time, life changing process.

remember this, God chose you and gave you this ONE chance to accept Him into your life... do you want to lose this salvation?

when God decided to show Himself to me, there's nothing i can do cept to submit to Him.

if there's a growth in me, its gotta be caused by this afternoon.

if there's a difference in me, its gotta be caused by this afternoon.

something burned inside me as i worshipped. He's still with me, and He has never forgotten about me. He has something great for me and He wants me to complete the race. He will complete it with me and He promised.

i realized that i've been slack in my walk with God. i realized my mistakes, sins and wrong doings that caused grief to the Holy Spirit. i realized that i'm not a good shepherd, always taking things for granted. i realized i've been trying to be the good boy when i should have just ran to Him for shelter. i realized i haven been carrying His presence and i should carry His presence because i'm called.

if i can turn back time, i would. but i know that such experiences can be used by God for His glory. if there's an example now, it would be Sy Rogers. i've never felt so liberated after his teaching on both days. not liberated to sin against God, but liberated to run towards God with love and Godly fear.

there's so many ideas in my mind; prayer group, discipleship, teaching, pushing, encouraging, guiding, luminating, soul winning and protecting.

i feel alive.

ah. i'm a cool dude=)

honor Him and He shall honor you.

that's like SO true? another promise fulfilled by God.

weekend services with Sy Rogers!! it was another great service with Sy Rogers and he preached something almost similar to the training sessions. he shared about preservance in a fallen world and how should we run towards God when we got slime all over.

it's seriously something that we need to learn...

reported for duty for service 6 and praise God i was allocated at the front again~ loLz=)

stayed behind after serving as i promised brother daniel that i would help him arrange the forms and update them. helped out in the logistics as no one stayed behind~ its been a long time since i last did logistics and thank God for zhaowei! without his help, i would have died inside the room.

met up with kim and we headed to join Bro Kok Yew and the rest of the logistic team for dinner. Bro Kok Yew decided to blessed kim and i for that dinner~ praise God!! we had a great time eating and fellowshipping with one another~ though i wasn't from the logistics team, they were still graceous to allow kim and i to join them~ loLz=P

at jurong point, kim and i decided to take a walk before heading home. then i suggested watching a movie and kim recommended this movie, hostage, which i HIGHLY recommend to everyone!!!

its a SUPER COOL show!! its like an action thriller show which starrs Bruce Willis!

i shall not spoil the show here in my blog, but if you got money to spare, DO WATCH IT AT THE NEAREST CINEMA!!

headed back and met up with sam and kim's brosie for supper~ by then, i realized that i've no cash left because of some reason; my money got misplaced. well, thank God kim's brosie paid for the supper~

silly girl sam, bought all her homework down to join us for supper and ended up playing 3 rounds of bridge with us. i asked about the amount of homework left and after she finished listing down, i was really wondering in my heart how is she gonna finish them all tonight~

she spent the whole of friday doing homework too...

i just realized something. Sister Cynthia is ONLY 1 year older then me!! woah.. she's already a church staff, working in Pastor Kong's office... WOAHWOAHWOAH!!!

Planet Shakers - Don't Pass Me By

My heart it longs
My soul it thirsts for more
For more of You

I'm reaching out
I'm waiting here for more
For more of You

Cause all I want is You
And all I need is to be here with You

I'm hungry for Your fire
I'm desperate, You're my one desire
Jesus, please dont pass me by

I need You more than ever
I'm thirsty for a touch from Heaven
Jesus, please don't pass me by

Don't pass me by Lord
I'm desperate for You

sy rogers!! he's so captivating, you just wish that there is more time for him to share!!

hahaZz=P well, i just came back from sy roger's training session in church and it was great. he was talking about our brains, the way we think and react to it and he talked about the difference of the sexes.

well, kind of.

though, sometimes, its kinda mixed up, he's still very captivating as he attracts attention using body language and really funny remarks.

anyway, i'm not going to blabber on about what he preached about.

i'm just gonna add that my life would never be the same=) hallelujah!

i wanna blog about something, and its something thats been bugging me since God knows when.

G I R L S.

i'm not against girls, definitely, God bless them!! but i'm just SO curious to know WHY are people, some, so narrow minded!? whenever they see a girl-guy who's kinda close or are in close contact or just simply spend loads of time together, everyone points their fingers at the innocent couple and say, "look at them~ spending SOOOOOOO much time together! i alwys see them together~ are they together?" blahblahblah.

personally, i grew up, as what sy rogers described, an ANTI-GIRLS guy before adolescence. but when puberty hit me, i started to notice girls a little more. definitely would come attraction and some other stuffs sy rogers preached about.

no harm.

BUT why is it that people still view it like as if its a taboo to be going church, supper or even going out with a girl!?

do you wanna spend all your life with the friends, only of the same gender!? if i were you, i would really wonder how i would mature=)

anyway, i'm not saying that i MUST be surrounded by girls, but its just that i've a little more girl-friends. NOT because i'm cool or very good looking. but its just because of some reason God placed them in my life, and i'm not asking Him to take them away because they're my good friends, but why am i gettin judged this way!?

so nextime when you read my blog and you see names like, sally ng (ooh. that pretty usher) or samantha (either kim's pretty sister or the one from POS) or kimberlish (late night suppers) or charmaine (messing around with her) or hanning (bus buddy) or veron (she calls me her pastor.. sheesh) or WHO ELSE!? someone help me!? there's TOO LITTLE FEMALE NAMES TO BE LISTED HERE!!

BAH!

btw, sally ng's really pretty... woahhhh... saw her in church~~~ wOAhhhhh.. why wasnt i seated at her row!?

sometimes, the basics will bring you back to your feet.

-

met kim and sam for lunch at bukit panjang plaza. while waiting for kim, sam took the chance and taught me bridge. its a rather easy card game that requires you to play your cards properly, so that you and your partner would be able to win.

i shall not explain the gameplay as its rather confusing~ hEh. but its quite amazing that sam managed to teach me and explained clearly after just playing it for 1 night.

no doubt that she's really a bright girl=)

we reached pasir ris at 3.00pm and we felt as though time passed by so quickly~ hEh. probably because we were crapping too much along the way and even played daidee on the bus =/ this time, i didn't even win a single round and i think kim won all the rounds~ shEesh..

was told by the counter ladies, at downtown east, that i can only collect my tickets 30 minutes later. so we played bridge at the nearby chillout place and watched sam do her bio homework. slowly, friends started coming and joined us.

jireh and his sister, edwin and veron, peck chuan and his friends and june. well, peck chuan and june didn't join us in the concert but the rest did.

before the concert started, the Pastor led a in a prayer. kim and i felt really uncomfortable during that period of time as the presence really felt weird. i was looking around and i realized that some people wasn't praying, but i doubt that's the problem, and most people were speaking in tongues. just don't understand the weird feeling.

anyway, it got a lot better when planet shakers took over and started.

loads of new songs and we were caught unprepared. the chairman (i think) of planet shakers came out and shared a word with us. he preached about obed-edom, who lingers in the presence of God.

that messaged really reminded me about emerge conference, when i was so hungry for the presence of God and even prayed that i would be in the sunday team for security, so that i can stay in church all day.

thank God for such a simple message that really challenged me once again, to love His house, to dwell in His presence, to treasure His presence and to carry His presence.

we don't need to help God, but we need God more than anything else. He should be the first in our lives, only then, He is able to do great things through us!

basically, that was what that guy shared and even though it was short, the message spoke deep into me and i realized that i've been "trying" to "understand" God that i'll fell. but all i needed was to have child-like innocence and faith to receive from Him.

-

important note to everyone.

please stop thinking that kim and i are an item and please stop going around asking or telling people that we're very close and stuffs. i've had enough and i've heard enough of it. i do not care of what people say, but it DOES really get on my nerves each time i hear it. the bible says that we do not gossip or slander about our brethens.

kim and i are just friends and YES, we often meet up. thats just it.

thank you and God bless.

lost track of time

been sleeping too much in the afternoons that whenever i wake up in the evening, i would wonder if i slept for one whole night or just that few hours.

met up with my basketball palls earlier for an impromptu BBQ at fajar. i guess the main reason is to celebrate weilun and weiming's POP last friday. not much people were there, but i must say that its the core group that stuck together for a long period of time=)

people present include - junjiang, zongxian, yonglin, herman, mingcai, junkang, carmen and the two main stars, weilun and weiming.

i guess i was really bored and i used 1 whole packet of charcoal for the base and 16 firestarters for the BBQ. the end result? the fire was so strong that we didn't have to add charcoals and our food was still properly cooked=)

though there wasn't much food, my favorites were all bought~ all thanks to hermie~ hAhazz~ he remembered my otak and crabsticks! lun bought bread and we had toast bread, which became an instant favourite among everyone~ loLz=P

the BBQ would be even greater if there's stingrays!! still remember our last BBQ when everyone of us were fighting over every piece of stingray flesh~ loLz=P

junkang asked an interesting question - would we be still playing basketball together at the age of 30?

some replied that we would have shifted out by then, married and probably not playing basketball ever again. but whatever the outcome is, i'm sure glad that i got to know these bunch of people who fought for every single game, just to win=)

abandoned them after the BBQ and met kimmish. along the way, there was an minor accident and i really wonder why was the driver taking photographs of the damage.

headed back to fajar mcdonalds but it was closed, so we bought drinks at 7-11 and walked to hermzie's place. along the way, we climbed the steep slopes of the field and was amazed by the vast numbers of stars~ lolz=P

played cards at some void deck and lost again =.-'' someone teach me to win in daidee... loLz=P

three days of the presence of God; salvations and healings commonly as one.

day 1

i was extremely excited about Rev Benny Hinn's healing crusade at the Singapore Indoor Stadium and i couldn't wait to experience and see God's amazing power displayed right before my very own eyes.

Rev Benny Hinn has his own entourange of body guards and most of them were formerly seals or marines. super tough looking and huge, their presence was greatly felt wherever they went. i was even stopped by one of them because he suspected that my pass doesn't belong to me =.-''

anyway, the healing crusade at day 1 was an eye-opener for me. on the first day itself, many people were healed by the power of God and touched by the presence of God. personally, i held 2 sisters when they stood up from their wheelchair.

when they started walking about, they were so overwhelmed that they kept repeating, i'm healed i'm healed!! thank You Jesus!!

even myself was overwhelmed and almost teared when i started to praise God with them.

Day 2

at the 4.30pm service, the presence of God was SO rich that i started to tear a little, though i was serving. during that period of time, i decided to focus only on God and don't bother about my surroundings. the presence of God came in such a mighty wave that its something i never felt before.

its like the Glory of God desending into the Indoor Stadium and when Rev Benny Hinn asked us to receive the anointing, the entire stadium was slain. i really wished that i fell under the power of God, but because we were serving, the security personnels didn't get slain.

but i believe that our Spirit Man received the anointing!!

even Rev Benny Hinn said that the presence of God was so rich that he never felt it so strongly before. praise God!! and with that, Rev Benny Hinn promised to come back near year, at the NATIONAL STADIUM!!

the power of God came and many were healed again! unusual miracles indeed and praise God because some received their salvation too!!

day 3

i felt really exhausted by now. for the past few nights, i've slept less than 8 hours. i really couldn't think fast enough and Venetia even said that i was stoning, which shouldn't be the attitude when i'm serving God.

when we're serving God, we MUST give our best shot no matter how tired we are. Pastor Kong sleeps very little at night, but we don't see him preaching with a stoned face. we serve God with all our heart and with joy! not with force!!

serving comes from the heart, not mind.

our physical body can be tired, so thats why the bible says that we must discipline our body so that we wouldn't listen to our body but instead, listen to our Spirit Man! this is something that i really need to work on and there's a verse that keeps appearing everywhere that says -

great are those who are humble in the kingdom of God, with childlike innocence and trust.

okie. its a mixture of 2 phrases but i'm sure that written somewhere in the bible, there's such a verse. i think that's my bible verse of the year, a rhema word from God, for this year.

to trust God with all my heart, with innocence and always expecting something different from God. not guessing what God would do, but just submit to His authority and will for my life.

serving in security now has a different meaning. usually we would know the flow of the service and what to expect, but with this word from God, i believe so that He wants to challenge and enlarge my capacity in Him.

i've a feeling that its gonna be tough, but i'll keep fighting the fight of faith. even when i'm walking through the shadow of death, i DO NOT fear because He's with me!

in about 7 hours, Rev Benny Hinn would make his appearance in the Singapore Indoor Stadium, so would the power of God and the healing powers of the Holy Spirit.

i was at the indoor stadium last night for a briefing with the security ministry. it was kinda fun and we toured the stadium again as there are many changes made. then, when we were told of what to expect, i was rather shocked and realized the reality of this healing crusade.

desperate people.

they would do all kinds of things just to get into the indoor stadium. be it the hard way or the soft way. but what we can only do is that when the doors are closed, we have to stop them from entering the stadium.

thats when everything can become really messy...

i'll be in one of those key positions (i think) that may face rowdy people. praise God for that position as it WILL mould and change my life for 3 straight days. talk about being moulded at a healing crusade..=/

i'll be doing stage, north west sector, and if im not wrong, that's where some people would try to gatecrash and rush to been Rev Benny Hinn or Pastor Kong. for all three nights, thats my permanent position. i guess its really something significant else they would have shuffled the positions.

praise God!

but still, its not some "honored" position because i'm just there to serve God and to protect His messengers.

for those that are reading my blog, please do pray for me...

pray that the healin crusade would be a grand success, with hundreds, thousands of people healed.

pray for Rev Benny Hinn to be so anointed and flow with the Holy Spirit.

pray that i'll be strong physically, mentally and emotionally. like REALLY STRONG.
pray that i'll be able to withstand the stress and pressure from the crowd as they try to break in.
pray that i'll not be distracted by comments made by the crowd.
pray that i'll not react back to the crowd thats making crude remarks.
pray that i'll have favor, so that the crowd wouldn't be unhappy with me.
pray that the Holy Spirit fills me up and His presence would be strong.
pray that i'll carry the presence of God mighty, with authority, yet not abusing it.
pray that i'll be moulded to who God wants me to be.

pray for the hand of God to move on all three nights.

one of the best starts of the day - waking up at 8.15am, realizing that you've a presentation between 8am to 10am.

i was shocked when Ronald sms'ed me and asked if i'm coming to school.

thank God i didn't have to wait long for a cab and i stepped into class at 9.00am. i barely settled down in class and was informed that its my group's turn to present. so thats like 2 shocks in less then 1 hour.

thank God i delivered my part of the presentation really smoothly and managed to capture the attention of my classmates. i saw my lecturer's remarks about my group (secretly) and she wrote that we're articulate, good research, good slide layout and some other stuff which i didn't catch because she caught me reading it~ =X

was on the same bus with one of the classmates and she said that our group's presentation was really good and the slides were plain, yet straight to the point. thank God that she felt it that way!! after looking at other group's slide, i felt that my group's research wasn't in depth!

i guess most of my projects are completed and awaiting teacher's assessment. but thank God for His creativiy, favour and so much more other things. i want to shine for Jesus in the areas of my studies!! in order for that to happen, i got to study hard, myself, and pray for the wisdom and understanding of God to be upon me.

pray for me alrite? =)

When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you get that for me?!!"

do you believe in Angels?

after watching a TV series - Angels, i found myself asking that question.

we often protray Angels dressed in white garments and wings on their backs. but in the television series, they protrayed Angels as human beings filled with the love of God and they are here on earth with a mission, to do what our Father in Heaven says.

in the bible, Angels are used to care for people, to protect, to inform and to destory. Jesus Himself was taken care by Angels when He was in the wilderness for 40 days, to be tempted by the devil.

whats an Angel like? are we able to see an Angel when we come face to face with it? could an Angel be around you right now, taking care of you, encouraging you and supporting you in times of difficulities? maybe you're an Angel, without knowing it?

i used to think that i'm an Angel. loLz=) i've this discernment thingy in me that's pretty accurate. often when my friends share their problems with me, or merely is hiding something from me, i would be able to figure out whats the problem even if my friend didn't tell me.

sometimes its almost like an voice in my head, telling me specific details and my friends do get shocked at times.

another reason i thought i'm an Angel because i've a sensitive nature and i could tell easily if that person is getting bothered by something, or if that person is hiding something from me. though it may get over sensitive at times, or totally insensitive, it has been really useful when i'm with my friends.

but i know that i'm just a human being, created by God by His awesome power and uniqueness.

Angel or not, i don't know. but i do believe in Angels and they are all around me.

sunday service!!

was supposed to give kim the morning call, but instead, she was the one that gave me the morning call at 6.05am. heh.. thank God another friend of hers suddenly called her and said that he suddenly felt like giving her a morning call. weird eh? =P

service today rawkz! Pastor Kong preached in accordance to next week's healing crusade with Rev Benny Hinn and Pastor Kong kinda geared us towards the healings and miracles of God. Pastor Kong prayed for the sick too, in our own church, and i can testify that God is indeed a healing God!!

not much people would know that i hurt my back during a basketball game last year. since then, whenever i play basketball, i would feel the strain for the next few days. this morning, the strain was pretty bad. when i was serving in the auditorium, my back was kinda "achey" and i felt kinda uncomfortable.

then during the ministry time, Pastor asked the congregation to respond of we need healing from God. i responded and prayed together with Pastor Kong. i didn't feel anything special or powerful, but after Pastor asked us to check ourselves, i realize that the "achey" feeling was gone!!

praise the Lord!! thank God for healing!!

this week is gonna be an exciting week. Rev Benny Hinn is in town and i'm exploding with excitement. miracles and healings will happen on friday and saturday; i really hope that out of the 11,000 seats in the indoor stadium, more then 80% is taken by CHC members. its gonna be weird if the majority of the crowd belongs to Christians from other churches=/

well, its gonna be a busy week for me, but i'm trusting God in His never ending presence, strength, anionting and power!

God's timing.

God's timing is so important in our lives and if we rush His timing, everything goes wrong and falls off eventually.

thank God for strength, even right now. i've slept only 3 hours last night, as i met kim for SUPER late supper. or should i say breakfast? =X anyway, i just came back from school and i didn't really feel sleepy. so i went online, even though i know that no one would be online at this time.

logged into msn and this sister messaged me.

she shared with me her experience with God when i bought her to church last year and she thanked me for everything. she also shared that she saw a difference in me and she believes that its God who changed me.

this sister felt God on the first occasion she stepped into church and her life was changed. though she didn't come back after that week, she shared that she was facing a difficult time and when i invited her to church, she felt peace in her heart when she responded to the altarcall and got prayed for.

i still remember her telling me that she felt something in her heart.

now she is faced with a slight problem. she comes from a buddhist family and its hard for her to let go. so she asked me for advise and thank God for His wisdom, i managed to explain things clearly to her and she felt blessed.

she has been crying out to God for healin upon her friend. when she shared with me that she has been prayin for her friend, i felt so encouraged. here i have, a sister, who's so hungry for God and a desire for her friend to be healed. God WILL definitely heal that friend of hers, because of her faith!

its really encouraging to see such hunger for God. it makes me overjoyed and ever praising God.

MOE made a press conference earlier at announced that JAE would be extended till monday.

i guess with this extension, most students would feel extremely relieved because they would have more time choosing their course and school. BUT, why are they given so much time now!? i only had 3 days of JAE during my time!! everything was SO packed and everyone was pratically registering on the first day, without much consideration!!

well, good for this year's batch of students=) but i've a number of friends who are still stranded, not sure what course to choose or school to study in.

nix finally enrolled in mass comm after loads of spiritual attacks, xuexin felt called to chinese studies, kim still can't decide between NP or SP, lynn still don't know what course to take, alvin thinks that BIT is good, mingjie and longfei can't wait to start school at NP, yuxin decided to challenge herself at RJC and charmaine is stayin at ACJC.

if i left out your name, sorry=P

school's been pretty exciting. imagine meeting lost friends who really can't seem to decide where to go, and getting lost in SP with kimberlish. well, i do enjoy getting lost in SP because it gives me SO much bad stuffs to talk about SP and convince kim to enroll in NP~ loLz=P even the food there doesn't really taste special~ food is like SO important and without good food, how can you study!?

dumdeedeedum~ not for me to judge~ lalala~ but anyway, even though i've been stuck in NP for 2 years and i do feel that its so much friendlier looking then SP=X

i can be NP best student ambassador=)

Hillsongs - Shout To The Lord

My Jesus, my Savior
Lord there is none like you
All of my days, I want to praise
The wonders of your mighty love

My comfort, my Shelter
Tower of refuge and stength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship you

Shout to the Lord, all the earth
Let us sing.
Power and majesty, praise to the king.
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of your name
I sing for joy at the work of your hands
Forever I'll love you, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you

-

this gotta be the best song of the, month. =D God just keeps coming up with great songs in church=D=D=D

its a blessed blessing day=) first of all, i was late for an hour for Human Communication class, but my lecturer didn't say anything. then, she remembered that i'm a Christian and i'm interested in the Planet Shakers concert, so she took down my email and said that she would inform me about the concert thingy.

so i asked if i could bring my friends along and she said OKIE!! but, only 20. loLz=P i've more then 20 names who wants to go to the concert, several of which wants multiple tickets~ well, most likely i'll get tickets for those who knows everyone who's going. imagine the fun man~ =D=D=D

then i went for SAB and our lecturer gave us our marks for our Assignment 2. my group has the HIGHEST mark!! praise the Lord!! we had 86/100!! our lecturer even said that some of the students in the class are capable of getting AD!! wOohOo!! and are really "talented" in this business thingy. loLz=P

then i met up with ronald and daniel to do our human comm project.

completed half of the project and decided to continue on saturday, because of an unknown reason~ hEh.

xuanie messaged and told me that she's in NP, so i decided to look for her since she's just so nearby. with loads of shock, she's with xueyi and wanyi. both gurls are thinking of studying in NP and came to listen to the lecturers "brainwash" them. somehow, they seem interested in EI=/ heh.

alvin the ediot is also interested in EI.. =.-

slacked around in school, finally decided to go home as it was getting really boring.

i just can't stop playing the song..=D=D=D

its so amazing how God works.

after typing my sorrowful blog entry, i decided to seek God in prayers. i prayed for several stuffs in my life, ministry and walk with Him. feeling hungry, i decided to head downstairs to grab something to eat.

out of the blue, brother daniel messaged me and asked if i can help him with some logistic stuffs for security. though its just arranging the papers in a orderly manner, at least i'm starting somewhere!!

then kim messaged and asked if i want to have supper with her mom. agreed cause i NEEDED food=) so went home with a packet of chao guo tiao, which is still left untouched, and changed to meet her.

then nix called, after reading my sorrowful blog. thank God for friends who are concerned=) hanning messaged too, and asked if i'm okiEe...

well, i'm super fine now!!

after FOOD (the easilest way to cheer me up) with kim's mom, brosie, brosie's GF and brosie's GF's brosie, they decided to abandon kim and i and both of us went to mcdonalds to eat somemore!! =D i had fries and we shared strawberry sundae!!

then when mcdonalds decided to chase us out, we headed to 7-11 and kim bought a bottle of orange for her brosie. but we ended up sitting at the playground near her place, chatted and played cards, thanks to samantha whom threw the cards down for us~ lolz=P

we played only 3 games and i won only 1 round!! =/

at least my sunday ended beautifully=) thank God for everything... i've pulled through, this one day...

so tired. i never felt so tired... perhaps God's really moulding me hard...

woke up at 5.30am to iron my pants, but i can never iron it straight enough. its always slanted towards the side and after ironing it for more then 30 minutes, i gave up. rushed to bath and headed to meet kim at her place.

when i was waiting at the bus stop near her place, i realized that i didnt shave my stubble. felt a little frustrated but there's nothing i can do, unless i've the skill of some uncles who are able to clip off their stubble using two twenty cent coins.

pretty kim came and off we went to church.

when we alighted at the church bus stop, i realized i didn't bring my tie. felt really frustrated by then and i really wondered if my day would really start that bad. well, little did i know that there's more to come...

during service, Pastor Ulf collected a second offering. one of the senior ushers informed me that she's missing 1 bucket. so i went over and offered to help and i informed her junior ushers to look for that 1 bucket. they simply looked around and said that there isn't any buckets.

so the entire offering bag was delayed and i got scolded.

THEN, the senior usher came back and confirmed with me that she's missing 1 bucket. so i comms and informed that my section has lost a bucket. i got scolded and even while i was looking for the bucket. well, nothing new and its not that i mind being scolded though, but i was really pissed off with the junior ushers whom didn't confirm the number of buckets.

thank God the bucket was retrived, much to the relief of me and the senior usher.

did i mention that i didn't even feel sharp? =.-

but really thank God after service 4, things changed and i got really better. during service 6, i was seated at one of the seats and Pastor Ulf didn't preach much but shared about his experiences. it was really enriching listening to his experiences and during the ministry time, i felt something that i felt last year when Pastor Phil Pringle was giving the altar call.

its like the Holy Spirit pressing onto your heart, urging you.

on the bus journey home, i suddenly had this vision, again, of myself preaching. then came the spiritual attacks. there were thoughts in my mind like - look at yourself, do you think that you look like a preacher? you look so kiddish and even you think that you look weird preaching!

well, i didn't entertain much to those thoughts but i decided to sleep.

when i woke up, i felt different again. this time, i felt lonely. SHEESH...

started to feel like there's a void in my life and week in week out, i'm doing the same stuffs and i don't seem to be getting anywhere. then i remembered Pastor Kong saying something about waiting, that we have to flow with God's timing and God's ALWAYS WITH ME!!

so with these in mind, i dragged myself to charmaine's place to collect my march devotions, but she refused to meet me; so i dragged myself home.

if i were to explain my own situation now, it would be the time of trials and testing. a period of time when God tests my faith and sees if i were to trust in Him. but this is based on my knowledge. i need a confirmation from somebody and i need somebody to guide me.

my life, as described as Pastor Kong, is like a routine now. school, cellgroup, church, school, cellgroup, church... week in week out, its the same and nothing's happening.

i really just hope that God brings me to the next level...